It's one of those days again.

One of those times again when I realise I really should just keep my mouth shut and not make any promises.

one of my greatest weaknesses has just stumbled me once again. It's the fact that I always seeking to please the people around me, that I tend to agree to what they ask of me..even when sometimes I feel half-hearted about doing things or going for certain events. It's just I want to try to make an attempt to fellowship with people..but most of the times I just end up disappointing and upsetting people.

The stress of it all, the swinging back and forth of wanting to go, and wanting to just drop out makes me feel like a failure. A failure at handling relationships. and somehow, the stress manifests itself into physical illnesses. I feel literally unwell, and even when I am really really sick, when I tell it to my friends that I can't make it because I'm sick, I feel like I'm just finding an excuse. And I think I've been using the same same excuse for so many times now, even when I am really sick, that it feels more and more like an excuse.

I'm just naturally an introvert. a quite anti-social person. I just want to go to school, come home and stay at home. maybe once in a while to go out with some friends to sit down and talk. I'm just not the extra-curricular type of person. if you've heard of my school record of ccas, you would know. I cannot commit fully to anything, anyone. I'm sorry, but I really cannot, and most of the times, I don't want to. I just am a person who needs a lot of alone time. I love being with my friends, but sometimes, I just don't want to leave my room.

I'm sorry for all the times when I've let you down, sorry for the times I've disappointed you and failed to turn up for the gatherings I promised to..and I know I've said sorry probably too many times..and it has kind of lost it's meaning. But I don't know what to say except to apologise.

sometimes, I don't want to tell people what events I may have planned out in the future, because I feel guilty that there is always a chance that I will not go. and I'll learn to not make promises I can't keep anymore.

Lord, I trust in You that You're changing me, and that You will help me want and be able to do what pleases You. I'm sorry to You too Lord.