SMASHING good times-PART 2

haha. the title says it all. After service and lunch on Sunday, cell decided to have an outing to east coast park, just to play some ball games..we ended up traveling from one place to another for most of the time rather than getting right down to bonding time. haha. but the moment we reached a nice spot on the grass next to the beach, we jumped straight into a time of much fun.

infact, we got right into a smashing time where heads got bashed, arms got whacked, jaws were dislocated(not really..but the impact was there!),other body parts received similar impacts from the out of control soccer ball and mainly me..oops.I was such a klutz yesterday, haha. partly cause I was the spokesperson for smashing good times seeing that I wore our 225 class shirt which had the slogan printed on the back, and partly cause due to lack of exercise I haven't got the hang of throwing balls yet..haha..I'm sorry people!

but on the whole, it was really an awesome time spent together. The warm sunny day, the scalding, prickly sand beneath our feet, the fluffly clouds and lazy birds circling in the blue sky, the uncontrollable laughter that came from us as we attempted to snatch the soccer ball from each other...it was really great.=)

and you wouldn't believe the poses we got into when playing soccer and captain's ball. Since I was standing near the goal post most of the time, I was able to observe many many interesting things. Like how people will try to kick the ball and somehow the leg will just end up sweeping over the ball and not touching it, how there can be as many as four pairs of legs battling to get one soccer ball, how some people can look like they are part of an MTV when they run across the beach with the wind in their hair, how when guys play captain's ball, they can just shoot from one end to the other hand and the captain can still catch it..and how we look like ducks when we try to kick the soccer ball..(well, that was mainly me..legs at awkward angles)it was pure fun seeing all these.

indeed, it was a God-blessed time=)

haha, not to mention, I had the much-needed exercise.

the time spent together was defintely treasured and well-worth it. even if we did look like cooked lobsters and ripe tomatoes after that. and even the sustaining of body injuries and the tasting of sand(we were really vigorous players), were all worth it.

I will gladly take part in this again=)

haha. and girls, I think we've made significant progress on the bridge-building!

let's keep up the good work=) sammie, we're with you in the prayers!and thanks for the note, it was really sweet and I think for the both of us, we're on the road to recovery. it has been a tough two weeks, but with God, we can do this!haha, I'm going to attempt to sing turn your eyes upon Jesus every time the cares of the world start to draw me in!haha, and pray immediately whenever that seems to be the case!okay, we can do this. haha, cause He that is in us is much much greater than He who is in the world! 1 John 4:4(if I'm not wrong!)

yay.the week ahead is looking up!

oh, and sammie!shall we meet at city hall on tuesday?and study at raffles place's Starbucks?can the rest make it?

back to researching for hw!

It's one of those days again.

One of those times again when I realise I really should just keep my mouth shut and not make any promises.

one of my greatest weaknesses has just stumbled me once again. It's the fact that I always seeking to please the people around me, that I tend to agree to what they ask of me..even when sometimes I feel half-hearted about doing things or going for certain events. It's just I want to try to make an attempt to fellowship with people..but most of the times I just end up disappointing and upsetting people.

The stress of it all, the swinging back and forth of wanting to go, and wanting to just drop out makes me feel like a failure. A failure at handling relationships. and somehow, the stress manifests itself into physical illnesses. I feel literally unwell, and even when I am really really sick, when I tell it to my friends that I can't make it because I'm sick, I feel like I'm just finding an excuse. And I think I've been using the same same excuse for so many times now, even when I am really sick, that it feels more and more like an excuse.

I'm just naturally an introvert. a quite anti-social person. I just want to go to school, come home and stay at home. maybe once in a while to go out with some friends to sit down and talk. I'm just not the extra-curricular type of person. if you've heard of my school record of ccas, you would know. I cannot commit fully to anything, anyone. I'm sorry, but I really cannot, and most of the times, I don't want to. I just am a person who needs a lot of alone time. I love being with my friends, but sometimes, I just don't want to leave my room.

I'm sorry for all the times when I've let you down, sorry for the times I've disappointed you and failed to turn up for the gatherings I promised to..and I know I've said sorry probably too many times..and it has kind of lost it's meaning. But I don't know what to say except to apologise.

sometimes, I don't want to tell people what events I may have planned out in the future, because I feel guilty that there is always a chance that I will not go. and I'll learn to not make promises I can't keep anymore.

Lord, I trust in You that You're changing me, and that You will help me want and be able to do what pleases You. I'm sorry to You too Lord.

healing!

I feel better now. Thank you ladies for cheering me up!I feel so blessed=)

haha, better physically- I popped some pills and slept a lot. better emotionally-talked the whole of saturday with God. better spiritually-today's message in church had us all going "yeah..I'm guilty of that"..

haha. but, there is now NO condemnation in Christ Jesus!Romans 8:1. why?cause Jesus paid the full penalty on the cross for us. anyway, God was telling me as I sat there in church that I've got a few areas I've got to work upon. Mainly: learning how to control my emotions better; not to have the mood swings and to not be so easily drained by emotions, break loose from my laziness,learn how to better cope with stress, and to get rid of my excessive anxieties.

yup. oh, and to guard my heart too. cause my words come out of the overflow of my heart. I was reminded also that in order to bless others, I must be a blessing myself first. If people see me so dis-organised and so weak, then how can I even begin to help them or to share my beliefs to them? so yes, I'm going to start changing some of my habits and to improve on my way of doing things. haha, Lord, it's difficult!

but as I learned today, as I was lifting my hands to praise Him in worship, I raised my right hand first,telling him that I have many weaknesses, but I surrender them all to Him. Then I raised my left hand along with my right, telling Him that I know He will help me, and that His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. so there you go, part me, part Him, together, then will we be able to raise both hands in total worship.

Your grace is sufficient for me Lord. And yes, I will live to worship You, I will breathe to worship You each and every day Lord.

may You bless all my family members and my awesome friends who have encouraged me so with their tagboard messages, their smses, their everything=)

haha. Lord, let me throw off my old self and put on my new self!

P.S-I was really amused at SP dan foo's imitation of ronaldo on stage today. haha, but I applaud his attempt and I thank God for using him to speak His message so clearly today=)

weariness seeps in

by reasons I know not of, this week has been a very trying week for me. for most of the people around me. time passed really really slowly. I am completely wiped out. On the verge of falling ill, on the brink of being overwhelmed by work..the moth seems to have laid a cold step on my heart, and the tightness in my chest seems to come more frequently now.

everythings seems to be in a mess, swinging from one extreme to the other, I seem to have lost touch with time, knowing days only by the lectures and classes I have to attend. Dates fail me, events seem to fly pass me. Faces here and there, words swimming infront of my eyes. Book after book, line after line, word after word.

mondays are filled with classes which teach you how to write and to speak,singaporean lit, and movie presentations.

tuesdays are filled with survey of lit 2, career talks, presentations and a two -hour break spent reading. sometimes tuesdays include movie screenings, and Navigators fellowship.

Wednesdays. my supposed free days. they are filled with reading. and reading. and you've guessed it-reading.

thursdays are filled with sing lit and victorian lit.they are the days where the possibility of you losing your lit texts is the highest.

fridays are filled with movies and discussion about movies.

all days are filled with too early mornings and too late nights.

Lord, I'm tired.

I know Lord that in fact, I've not done much this week, I should have done more, should have studied better. I should have put in more effort. but Lord, this is just me. I can't seem to be able to get my things in order, can't seem to have all my lecture notes and tutorial notes together in a neat stack. Lord, help me!Help me to be more organised, to be more studious, to spend more time with You...

Lord,I pray You'll let me rest in You. Take away my heavy yoke and let me have Your light and easy one Lord. Jesus, take over. take control Lord.

conversations~

We're into an hour since our chat on msn, and it feels different, yet similar. Like different because grace will flash her brb statement, go grab her apple, help her flatmates..and yet similar cause sharon will be her usual bimbo self, grace will be typing things like "er la", and splashing chinese in the conversations..and I'll be the only sane one around..;)And all the jokes will surface, and we'll end up laughing infront of our screens, talking and updating each other on what's happening in our lives..

haha. just don't read grace's blog and my reputation will still be secure.

oh my goodness. Okay, deep breaths. Breathe in. Breathe out. sorry. sharon and grace just keep making me burst out in random laughter.

hmmm..I'm considering shifting to wordpress.

should I?

To Jie~

May the good Lord bless you, may the good Lord bless you, may the good Lord bless youuuu, may the good Lord bless you~!(sing to the tune of the happy birthday song)

Jie,

blessed 23rd!

23 years ain't a lot of years actually, when you have all eternity waiting for you=)

and this year, I've decided to dedicate one post to you instead of writing a letter. This way, I can type down more and you can have an easier time reading what I have to say;)

haha.

It's been amazing these past few years(cause I can't remember the time I spent as a kid), being able to just spend time together as a family, talking to each other, praying together, even simple things like sitting together on sundays during the second service...

though it's quite hard for us to spend more time with one another due to school, work and all, but I'm glad that at night, we're just able to smile and say goodnight to each other, know that we have this family to depend on, to have our big family dinners, play dai ti and mahjong..all the simple things do matter a lot.

and on your special day, I just want to thank God and thank you for all you've done and all you are!haha. thank you for being the fashionista in our family(so I can borrow stuff from you..),thank you for the times when you helped me out with my work, with my dressing-up,for those times when you drove all the way to school and church just to pick me up, those times when you stood up for me,those encouragements you have given me...and more.

You have indeed been the sweetest sister around, and also a most qualified driver in our family!=)

also, even though we are very different from each other, but I'm glad we didn't let our differences hinder us in getting to know each other!

yup, may our Heavenly Father contine to bless this family, and I pray as the year goes by, you'll be drawn closer to Him and that His presence will be manifested in your life. And that you'll experience every blessing in Christ, receive all joy, love, grace, mercy, peace, wisdom and understanding from our great God=)Continue to grow in Christ and seek His will in your life!

haha, that's all.

love you jie,
jean.

Believe!

Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.

- by C. S. Lewis

This speaks exactly what is in my heart and what I once read from a max lucado book.

let me see if I can find the passage.

ah, here's one. Not the one I remember, but one alright.

Matt 28:1-6:

Early on Sunday morning, as the new day was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went out to see the tomb. Suddenly, there was a great earthquake, because an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and rolled aside the stone and sat on it. His face shone like lightning, and his clothing was as white as snow. The guards shook with fear when they saw him and they fell into a dead faint. "Don't be afraid!...I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He isn't here! He has been raised from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying."

Such words mess with you. They cause you either to leave or to hop on. Be they false, the body of Jesus lay a-moldering in a borrowed grave. Be they false, then we have no good news. An occupied tomb on Sunday takes the good out of Godd Friday.

Be they true however-if the rock is rolled and the Lord is living-then pull out the fiddle and don your dancing shoes. Heaven unplugged the grave's power chord, and you and I have nothing to fear. Death is disabled. Get on board!

Can we trust the proclamation? The invitation of the angel is "come and see..."

The empty tomb never resists honest investigation. Following Christ demands faith, but not blind faith. Shall we come and see?

Take a look at the vacated tomb. Did you know that the opponents of Christ never challenged its vacency? No pharisee or roman soldier ever led a contingent back to the burial site and declared, "The angel was wrong. They body is here. It was all a rumor."

They would have if they could have. Within weeks,disciples occupied every Jerusalem street corner, announcing a risen Christ. What quicker way for the enemies of the church to shut them up than to produce a cold and lifeless body?Display the body, and Christianity is stillborn. But they had none to display.

Helps explain the Jerusalem revival. When the apostles argued for the empty tomb, the people looked to the pharisees for a rebuttal. But they had none to give. As A.M.Fairbairn put it long ago, "the silence of the Jews is as eloquent as the speech of Christians!"

The other passage I remember has the message along the lines of the quote. Jesus proclaims to be the Son of God, God himself. That He is "the way, the life, and the truth. No one (goes) to the Father except through (Him)"- John 14:6. Jesus didn't give us three choices. He gave us only two- Believe in Him or not. Accept His gift of salvation or reject it.

It may seem harsh, but if you think about it, if you don't accept a gift given to you, you are actually rejecting it aren't you? You can't possibly say," I acknowledge the gift, but I'm just going to leave it there and that's it." Even if you say"it's okay, I appreciate it..."Returning the gift is as good as rejecting it right?

There is no middle ground with God. And in fact, there shouldn't be. Would you want a God who doesn't really care if you accept him or ignore him? I know I wouldn't. A living God who truly loves us will be able and willing to reach out to us in His way.

When He has done everything for us, and the truth is looking at us right in our face, we can choose to accept it or reject it. It's our choice.

Maybe it's time now to step out of our comfort zones and seek the truth for ourselves, and to accept it.

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.

- by C. S. Lewis

The Terminal~

"There is Someone who knows and understands your every thought and feeling -- the pleasure and the pain, the joy and the sorrow -- and who perceives the deepest needs and longings of your heart."

- quote given by jay que

=).

thank you Lord. for re-assuring me once again.

it hasn't sunk in at all that grace is gone. maybe the reason being that she's not really gone gone. Just away. Like how we always put our "away" or "appear offline" msn sign.

I remember telling grace in my letter to her that we're living in exciting times, and in her race with God, He has sent her to Perth, for this particular season of her life. And as we sent her off at the airport today,though we were all so sleepy and bleary-eyed..I could sense the charged atmosphere. People gathering together, people praying to You, somehow having a glimpse of Your hand at work. You orchestrating every coming in and going out of every single child of Yours, the pieces of the puzzle falling in to create what we know will be Your final masterpiece.

Lord, I pray and I long for excitement in my life. And yet, You know I fear. I'm not naturally courageous or daring, and I'm quite afraid of stepping out of my comfort zones..but I don't want to stay where I am, I don't want to stay stagnant and just move around in my comfort zones. I want to walk on water with You. But first Lord, help me to get out of my boat.

Take away the fear in me Lord, and lead me, hold me by my hand and let me walk with You. Let me be with You and may You indeed be glorified in my life and may Your will be done in my life.

Lord, I commit my family, my friends, grace and myself into Your hands. thank You Father=)

grace,by the time you see this post, you should be in Perth, somewhere with your laptop or at a cybercafe..breathe in the fresh air there, take in the scenary, do the things you've always wanted to do, and know that God will always be with you and your cousin!but most of all, look up into the australian sky at night, blanketed with stars and know that the One who hangs them up there in the galaxies promises you that He will love you for all eternity.

love you dear

haha. that was my emotional moment.

ronnie, I miss you too!haha, I miss you with your specs on more though..

and my sheepies!haha, yay. I'll get to meet them tomorrow~

Lord, capture us in Your grace and let us take every step of the way confidently, knowing that You are on our side.

msning~

This saddens me.

Finally when I download and start attempting to use msn again, the people who keep bugging me to go online ignore me.

-insert dramatic sigh-

Now I realise again, the reason why I don't go online in the first place. another being cause I want to get out of my cybergurl_genie stage. haha, but it's quite hard, cause all my contacts are there. well, since my current contacts are ignoring me...maybe it's time to switch accounts and start loading new people.

ronnie! I'll give you another 15 mins to reply! If not, you're out of my new list!

haha.

whee=)

A cold winter night-

A cold winter night-

They used to go round
and round
in circles

parallel lives
never meeting each other

till one day
one incident
brought them together

it was a cold winter day
people were rushing here and there
all eager to get home before it gets too dark

he was one of them
and so was she

it was nothing much
just a brushing of shoulders
an exchange of looks

a smile
or two
and that was it

but on a cold winter night
it brought warmth and love
for both

then their paths diverged once more
but who's to say
they won't meet again?

a cold winter night
that sparked off a million and one
possibilities

of tea-making~

I think I've done it. I've managed to perfect my cup of english breakfast tea. in three different ways no less.

a cup of tea; slightly bitter black tea accompanied with a hint of sweetness.

absolutely delightful=)

sentimentality

It's not good to make sentimental journeys. You see the differences instead of the sameness.

- Mary Astor

After watching a watered-down version of Sweeney Todd(with the help of sharon, I managed to reduce it from an M18 show to a PG one,oops!), it put me into a sentimental mood. And today when I wanted to search for a quote to describe my feelings, I found this one from Mary Astor that captures exactly what I felt.

But I want to kind of tweak it a little. It's okay to make sentimental journeys, but it's not good to make the journeys permanent ones.

It hit again once again that all of us are very different people, with actually little chance of fully comprehending one another. We think differently, we act differently, we speak differently most of the times..I mean hello!Our words at times don't even match what we really want to say, and many times, our words and actions have a meaning behind them, or maybe many many other meanings behind them!Like what hoca said before, when he says he likes pineapples, he could be displacing his actual liking for avacados, which could actually be another displacement for his innate want to be a fruit juice seller, which could in turn actually be another displacement for another thing...it goes on. We will never really know what he really means to say, and he may never even know what he means to say really himself!

okay, so maybe I kind of twisted his words a bit..cause I can't remember all of his words except the pineapples part..haha. the rest is made up.

anyway, the main point is that we say we understand, but frankly, we only do understand others to maybe 20%? the rest are all based on assumptions and filling in of the blanks, and thinking we understand. hmmm.

okay, so I take back the times when I say "I understand", cause I think I do understand, but not the way you want me to. I understand it in my own way, not yours. so I'm sorry folks.

ermm. I kinda lost track of what I wanted to say. before recollecting, I just want to wish all of you a most blessed and fun-filled chinese new year ahead! delight yourselves this season with spending time with your family and friends, and enjoy the food and the red packets!

chinese new year eve eve was splendid for me. got to spend time with two of my most special people. some things could have been better(like the salmon sashimi..), some parts of conversation could have been better(like complimenting on my nice hair could be a really nice change=)haha, I'm kidding on this one, I'm adjusting to the ah lian thing really well..just don't divulge it to my cell mates!or i'm done for.my reputation will be ruined!)..but as usual, all those things don't really matter. what mattered was that we spent time together. and carol called too=) that was really nice!haha, got to wish her a good new year too.

sometimes I feel really inadequate. like there's so many things I have to do, yet I keep putting them off..like I know the person I ought to be, yet I am just too unwilling and ill-disciplined to change..I get a little depressed from time to time. even when I know just a talk with my heavenly father will change things and make me feel better, even though I know He will welcome me back with open arms, but I just feel so ashamed to talk to Him.

and yet I always know I'll end up talking to Him. because ultimately I know He loves me and He will forgive me..there is no record of wrongs with Him. and I know He will help me..okay.shall end off here to go talk to my heavenly father.

two last quotes for the day,

I'm a romantic; a sentimental person thinks things will last, a romantic person hopes against hope that they won't.
F. Scott Fitzgerald

Everything gets to me. I'm very sentimental.
Cornelia Funke

upset!

the writers of House MD are seriously out to get me. I've been checking out the updates for the latest season four episodes when I got to the end of the latest episode-Frozen.

guess what?my fave doctor has ended up with this Amber person whom House fired cause she really back-stabbed the people in the team and was out to get the rest. he put on a lavender shirt just for the date.

what is the world coming to??

argh. I so need to rant.

okay, this is a temporary reprive from the things of life. there are so many more things I want to talk about, much more important things. but as expected, it is way easier to blog about something which takes up little brain space than things that take up so much more space in our minds and hearts.

And yet, those things are still there and we treasure their presence and significance.

oh, and cell lao-ed yu sheng yesterday=) the bowl was small, and we could only stir with our spoons in the clockwise direction, and though there was ginger in it, the two bites that I took were simply amazing. the thought of the many of us gathering together just to partake in this simple tradition just makes me smile.

okay, back to norton.

A collection of thoughts~

haha. an inside source has just informed me that I'm becoming more organised in my blog and it's so not me. haha. and so I was thinking in what ways have I been more organised, and all I could think of is that for my titles, I vary between ~ for posts with more meaning and - for my stories. haha=) okay, maybe better paragraphing skils.

anyway, I have finally composed my very first Singaporean poem!haha, it developed on its' own early this morning.

here's the long-awaited work(long-awaited as least on my part):

Traveling back in a cab
hoping to catch the first rays of the morning sun
but all I could see was the same broken, faded moon
it didn't occur to me to stand out there to wait for the sun to rise

I crept slowly into the house
I figured it could be too early to wake the occupants of the house
I felt like a teenager about to be caught for partying till too late
or like a student who manages to avoid going for morning school

The first thing to greet me was the stack of letters
one mail from the government, the other from the RBC ministry
the first on my CPF savings, the latter on the riches I have in Christ
then I walked to go to sleep, my parents woke to go to work

A brief exchange of words
the timing seemed almost pre-arranged
and as I laid on my bed
a series of thoughts led me to sleep

A night started off with worship and intercession
continuing with cheese fries, prata and teh lima ice
the belting out of love songs
the shooting and world-conquering games

A night worth the losing of sleep over
a night spent with the people who matter
it turned out that it wasn't about what we brought
but what we received from being around the family of God.

The first
Friday and Saturday
of the month of
February.


- A collection of thoughts by Jean.


My very first work dedicated to my dearest sheepies of Leadersheep.

Forgetting~

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

I will remember you- Sarah McLachlan

In life, there will be some people who do more than just come in and go out of our lives. Some will stay and share cherished memories with you, some will be there with you for certain seasons in your life. And some will leave an impact that lasts longer than the time they spent with you. Most of them we will forget, but some will linger on for a longer while. But as with all things, with time, it may be a long time, but they will fade away, their presence will no longer have a hold on our lives. Memories will remain, but they won't sting any longer.

Many things we remember, many we have forgotten. Some mattered more than others, some more striking than others. But in the end, in one way or another, they are all the same.