Can't Live A Day - Avalon
I could live life alone
Never fill the longings of my heart
The healing warmth of someone's arms
And I could live without dreams
And never know the thrill of what could be
With every star so far and out of reach
I could live without many things
And I could carry on, but ...
Chorus
I couldn't face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can't live a day without You
Lord,there's no night and there's no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You're the heartbeat of all I do
I can't live a day without You
I could travel the world
See all the wonders beautiful and new
They'd only make me think of You
And I could have all life offers
Riches that were far beyond compare
To grant my every wish without a care
Oh, I could do anything, oh yes
But if You weren't in it all...
Chorus
Bridge Jesus, I live because You live
You're like the air I breathe
Oh Jesus, oh I have because You give
You're everything to me
Chorus (2x)
Yesterday, I was on the way to meet shu and sheen and just as I reached Bishan's mrt station, the train for marina bay just arrived. Which means that I will have just missed it. I remember sighing and asking, "Do you have to do this?" as just a random thought, not in particularly meaning anyone. So after that, I set down and prepared to wait for another 8 mins for the next train. Guess what? A brand new empty train came in just 2 mins after I sat down. And as I sat down in the train, in my own corner, my question earlier came back to me. "Do You have to do this?"
Maybe He did have to do it.
The disappointment is short-term, the joy when we receive something even better is for forever. In church today, the message was about the goodness of God in trials. We would always say and sing the song "God is good all the time". But do we truly acknowledge that? All the time?? Maybe when things are going good, smooth-sailing,it is quite easy to thank God and say that He is good. But when we face hardship?Trials? Can we really say with all our hearts that God is good? The speaker made a very strong point. Not only do we have to give thanks to God in all circumstances, we also have to realise that we can give thanks to Him at all times, and that trials and crisis actually are needed for our lives!
All sunshine makes a desert. From time to time, some rain is needed so that the land may be fertile and may bear much fruit. Our times of difficulty, of disappointments are times when we need to learn and trust in Him, to continue to perservere for Him, in order that we might grow. Trials are what bring out the best in us. We need to shake off the impurities, so that the pure and good things will remain.
and the song?The lyrics represent what is in my heart. I can go on, I can carry on with what I do and all..but I can't live a day without Jesus. Life would hold little meaning without Him. We all have a Jesus-shaped hole in our hearts, in our souls. Whether or not we know it, whether or not we believe it, it is true. Life will be tough, life will have its' troubles. But, He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world.- 1 John 4:4.
Help me to trust in You. Let me dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Talking to God and getting back on my feet~
As an aftermath of some getting back of results, here's my post of one of my another "talking to God and getting back on my feet" experiences.
So there I was, with a cup of too sweet tea at my side, I pressed the enter button(a bit harder than necessary I must admit), and I saw my results. haha. B+ for all except 104, I received a B for that. Not quite what I have been expecting I guess, and haha, you know what happens next.
anyway, this time, it took me quite a while to get back on track. I had the knowledge that God has plans to prosper me, He is a good God and all, but this time round, it didn't travel so quickly to my heart..it kinda got stuck as just head knowledge. So I wasn't able to give thanks that easily, or in a really heart-felt manner.
so I talked to Him more, ranted a bit, cried some more..haha, the usual works..then I tried thinking of Peter, John and the rest of His disciples. That was when I felt the head knowledge slowly, but surely transferring into heart acknowledgement.
In the olden days, people had to go through a lot of tests and processes before they could be called disciples of Rabbis, which are the esteemed teachers of those days. From what I've gathered, you were either selected to be disciples or rejected and you have to turn to other forms of jobs, or posts.
So I was thinking..and it hit me. That in many ways I can actually relate to Peter, John and the rest. They were born as fishermen, continued as fishermen for half of their lives, until one day, Jesus called them to be His disciples. Along the way, as we all know, they stayed with Jesus for about three and a half years. During that period of time, there were many instances of life's tests I would say. Peter and the rest stumbled, fell, had little faith in Jesus, even after witnessing His miracles and after tasting of His goodness. They even left Jesus, betrayed Him the day He was captured by the Pharisees. And yet, Jesus never once thought of forsaking them, His love for them didn't waver. His goodness didn't lessen.
After His resurrection, He even sought out Peter and co., and made breakfast for them. When Jesus was waiting for them, Peter and the rest went back to their original jobs-fishing, thinking that that was the end, Jesus would want nothing to do with them anymore. On the contrary, Jesus wanted everything to do with them. He called out to them again, and this time round, Peter understood. Along the way after that, their faith increased, their walk with God became closer...but I am quite sure they still wavered here and there along the way..becoming perfect only when they met Jesus again at the end of it all.
I guess, it is the same for me. I wasn't worthy enough to be anything, to be anyone, infact, I still am not worthy. Yet, Jesus extended His grace and His hand, to welcome me into His family, to call me not only His disciple, but a child of God. Along the way, I craved for the recognition of the world, craved for the best of everything..I stumbled, I fell. I think on a few occasions, I even left my God and His ways.And yet, He tells me again, that His love for me has never changed, His goodness does not depend on my ups or downs. His salvation for me does not and will not depend on my performance. The moment I received Him into my heart, my life, it is a guarantee already.
And so Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for fixing my eyes on myself, my work. Help me to fix my eyes on You, on Your plans, on Your will.
On days like these, I realize again that I cannot make it without You. Even if it may seem possible, I know I cannot live without You, and I know that I don't want to live without You.
So there I was, with a cup of too sweet tea at my side, I pressed the enter button(a bit harder than necessary I must admit), and I saw my results. haha. B+ for all except 104, I received a B for that. Not quite what I have been expecting I guess, and haha, you know what happens next.
anyway, this time, it took me quite a while to get back on track. I had the knowledge that God has plans to prosper me, He is a good God and all, but this time round, it didn't travel so quickly to my heart..it kinda got stuck as just head knowledge. So I wasn't able to give thanks that easily, or in a really heart-felt manner.
so I talked to Him more, ranted a bit, cried some more..haha, the usual works..then I tried thinking of Peter, John and the rest of His disciples. That was when I felt the head knowledge slowly, but surely transferring into heart acknowledgement.
In the olden days, people had to go through a lot of tests and processes before they could be called disciples of Rabbis, which are the esteemed teachers of those days. From what I've gathered, you were either selected to be disciples or rejected and you have to turn to other forms of jobs, or posts.
So I was thinking..and it hit me. That in many ways I can actually relate to Peter, John and the rest. They were born as fishermen, continued as fishermen for half of their lives, until one day, Jesus called them to be His disciples. Along the way, as we all know, they stayed with Jesus for about three and a half years. During that period of time, there were many instances of life's tests I would say. Peter and the rest stumbled, fell, had little faith in Jesus, even after witnessing His miracles and after tasting of His goodness. They even left Jesus, betrayed Him the day He was captured by the Pharisees. And yet, Jesus never once thought of forsaking them, His love for them didn't waver. His goodness didn't lessen.
After His resurrection, He even sought out Peter and co., and made breakfast for them. When Jesus was waiting for them, Peter and the rest went back to their original jobs-fishing, thinking that that was the end, Jesus would want nothing to do with them anymore. On the contrary, Jesus wanted everything to do with them. He called out to them again, and this time round, Peter understood. Along the way after that, their faith increased, their walk with God became closer...but I am quite sure they still wavered here and there along the way..becoming perfect only when they met Jesus again at the end of it all.
I guess, it is the same for me. I wasn't worthy enough to be anything, to be anyone, infact, I still am not worthy. Yet, Jesus extended His grace and His hand, to welcome me into His family, to call me not only His disciple, but a child of God. Along the way, I craved for the recognition of the world, craved for the best of everything..I stumbled, I fell. I think on a few occasions, I even left my God and His ways.And yet, He tells me again, that His love for me has never changed, His goodness does not depend on my ups or downs. His salvation for me does not and will not depend on my performance. The moment I received Him into my heart, my life, it is a guarantee already.
And so Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for fixing my eyes on myself, my work. Help me to fix my eyes on You, on Your plans, on Your will.
On days like these, I realize again that I cannot make it without You. Even if it may seem possible, I know I cannot live without You, and I know that I don't want to live without You.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Falling-
You’d be surprised at what you can live with.
- Dr. James Wilson, House MD
Watching him from the corner of her eye, she tries to stop the telltale sign of her heartbeat increasing at the mere sight of him. She tells herself to take a deep breath and will herself to calm down, to look away. To pretend that she did not notice him, to pretend and to hide that the flush she can feel on her face came from the lack of proper air-conditioning in the room.
Caught between a frown and an insane want to smile, she does not want to acknowledge whatever feelings she might have for him, and yet she cannot help but smile after seeing him. His soft brown hair, slightly mussed up, the bright brown eyes, the laugh lines that crinkle up at the sides of his eyes as he smiles, the slightly hesitant and yet always warm look in his eyes…
It is difficult. She knows it herself. It is difficult to pretend, and difficult to ignore.
She continues to talk to her companions, trying to pretend nothing has changed, that everything is all right. Nevertheless, she notices it; her words start to get a little messy and incoherent, her voice starts to shake, unnecessary hand movement comes in, and the ever slight but noticeable tensing of her shoulders as she senses him walking towards them, his voice reaching them first.
“..not sure how she’ll react. It’s been a few months now… ”
She smiles shakily, trying not to dwell too much on the fragments of his statement, knowing that it is not good to imagine the meaning behind his words. She could feel his presence behind her, and somehow sensing the warmth radiating from him. He was with someone else, someone she does not recognize.
“Hi all, I hope you’re enjoying your lunch? I just wanted to come over to say a quick hi and to introduce you all to Isabelle, my fellow companion.” She looks up then, tries and succeeds in getting her emotions under control, and extends out her hand, smiling warmly at Isabelle before introducing herself.
After her introduction, she leaves the rest on the pretence she needed fresh air, and after smiling one last smile, she walks away.
With no aim in mind, she finds herself walking out of the café and onto the streets outside. Breathing in the air, she wraps her arms around herself, and tries unsuccessfully to stop the shaking that came over her. Walking slowly, she could feel the warm tears escaping her eyes. Emotions she has kept for so long, unnoticed, now flow unrestrained on the sides of her face.
She is unable to keep the emotions in anymore, she is tired of the pretence, sick and overwhelmed with the almost-ness of her encounters with him. There was always a chance of possibility, but never a real fulfillment between them. They are so close, and yet, still so far.
The cold, harsh wind felt almost soothing on her face, the thin scarf looped around her neck providing little protection against it. She realized, now, that she couldn’t live with this. Tried as she had, she couldn’t bear another moment of being so close to him, and yet never really being with him. Tried as she had, she couldn’t imagine herself being just friends with him. It would be too painful, even for her. Better not to see him, than to see him with one that was not herself. She thought she could live with it, she thought she would be able to manage at least that, in order to see him. However, she realized, she could not, and did not want to do that.
Why hold on to him, even as you feel him slipping away from you? Why go through so much pain and hurt, just to catch a glimpse of him? Is it really worth it? “No. Not enough”, her voice coming out as a whisper. Nevertheless, her voice gained strength, as she now knows that it really isn’t enough for her. She wants a relationship, not a pining from afar. She wants him, not fragments of him. She wants to be with him, and not just around him. She want a them, not just her and him.
She is surprised at what she could live with. After living this life, she realizes that she doesn’t want this life anymore. She doesn’t want to put up with it anymore. She is ready to move on. Ready to move on, seeing that there is no reason nor want to keep her back, to ask her to stay.
Just as she reaches into her coat pocket to retrieve her phone, she notices footsteps behind her. She feels something, but choosing to ignore it, she prepares to call the rest of them and tell them she isn’t going to go back to the café, and to help her say “goodbye.”
“Ally?”
Dropping her phone back into her pocket, she turns around to face the occupant of the voice.
“James? What are you doing here? Where’s Isabelle?” She is glad that the wind has blown dry the telltale streaks on her face by now.
He approaches closer to her, concern being evident in those eyes of his. She almost took a step back.
“Isabelle? Oh, she’s waiting in the café for her fiancé to pick her up. He should be here by now.” As he said that, she knew she made the right choice. She really wasn’t able to go through any more hurt of seeing him with others, obsessing that they are together, especially when they turn out to be not together. She grimaces at the thought of her having that hope after she realizes after each time that he isn’t with any of his so-called “companions”.
She really has to move away and let it go. Let him go. Let herself go.
Then why is she moving closer to him, why is it that she can’t help but fall into his arms and allow her tears to over-whelm her again? As he holds her close to him, she could barely support herself as her sobs escape her, her tears making a mess of the front of his shirt.
It pains him to see his Ally in such a state. His Ally. Now is probably not a very good time to confess of whatever feelings he has for her. He will not add on to her already vulnerable state.
They started as colleagues, which quickly progressed to being friends. Somehow, they understood each other, knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, always there to look out for each other’s welfare…similar, yet so different in their characters and the way they behave. However, there came a time where they were at their closest, and suddenly, things became awkward. Neither of them was willing to confront the feelings that have arisen over the years of close fellowship, each with the fear of rejection and fear of losing the relationship they already had. So they grew distant, drifted apart…met each other less, saw more of others than of each other. Oh, what he would give just for those times again, just for her to be joyous once again.
Releasing his hold on her, he motioned for her to put on his coat that he had taken off earlier. Wiping away the tears on her face, he asked her, “What happened?”
“Jimmy, what happened to us? How did we grow apart? When did I start to lose you?”Her voice is shaky, and she swiped at her eyes wearily. On impulse, she looked up into his eyes. Eyes she sought out in the crowds, eyes she had already memorized, eyes that were now filled with the one emotion she had been struggling with-a resemblance of love stared back at her. She let out a gasp she didn’t even know she was holding.
“James, tell me. Tell me exactly what is in your heart right now.”
He didn’t deserve her. He still doesn’t. With his record of failed relationships, he was taken aback when Ally didn’t mind and still reached out to him, treating him as an equal, never once assuming the moral high ground. He had his chance, and he blew it. What will he do now that he is given a second chance?
“Allison, you know me. You know I have never been good with relationships, and I don’t think I ever will. I grew to have feelings for you, but I didn’t want to risk the possibility of this one failing. I care too much about us to risk ruining what we had. I didn’t know how you feel about me-Ally; I just might be really in love with you.”
Never once had he felt like this, not in his past relationships. He feels insecure and yet he doesn’t mind it, he doesn’t mind putting his heart on his sleeve, doesn’t mind being seen as needy…as long as he made his feelings known, it is enough. Pride has long been forgotten.
With his eyes concentrated somewhere near the top of her head, he missed the smile that came onto her face. What he doesn’t miss however, is her arms reaching forward to envelop him into an embrace. Leaning his face against the side of hers, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo that lingers in her hair, he barely hears her speak, “my dear Jimmy, I think I just might be falling in love with you too.”
They stood there for a long while. Just like that. In each other’s arms, they found the place where they belonged. He gave her a reason to stay, and stay she did.
Neither of them knows for sure what the future holds. As for the relationship that they share, they both know it is fragile, they both are still unsure of where it will lead them. Nevertheless, for now, it feels right. Right like never before. And for that, they both know that they are here to stay.
- Dr. James Wilson, House MD
Watching him from the corner of her eye, she tries to stop the telltale sign of her heartbeat increasing at the mere sight of him. She tells herself to take a deep breath and will herself to calm down, to look away. To pretend that she did not notice him, to pretend and to hide that the flush she can feel on her face came from the lack of proper air-conditioning in the room.
Caught between a frown and an insane want to smile, she does not want to acknowledge whatever feelings she might have for him, and yet she cannot help but smile after seeing him. His soft brown hair, slightly mussed up, the bright brown eyes, the laugh lines that crinkle up at the sides of his eyes as he smiles, the slightly hesitant and yet always warm look in his eyes…
It is difficult. She knows it herself. It is difficult to pretend, and difficult to ignore.
She continues to talk to her companions, trying to pretend nothing has changed, that everything is all right. Nevertheless, she notices it; her words start to get a little messy and incoherent, her voice starts to shake, unnecessary hand movement comes in, and the ever slight but noticeable tensing of her shoulders as she senses him walking towards them, his voice reaching them first.
“..not sure how she’ll react. It’s been a few months now… ”
She smiles shakily, trying not to dwell too much on the fragments of his statement, knowing that it is not good to imagine the meaning behind his words. She could feel his presence behind her, and somehow sensing the warmth radiating from him. He was with someone else, someone she does not recognize.
“Hi all, I hope you’re enjoying your lunch? I just wanted to come over to say a quick hi and to introduce you all to Isabelle, my fellow companion.” She looks up then, tries and succeeds in getting her emotions under control, and extends out her hand, smiling warmly at Isabelle before introducing herself.
After her introduction, she leaves the rest on the pretence she needed fresh air, and after smiling one last smile, she walks away.
With no aim in mind, she finds herself walking out of the café and onto the streets outside. Breathing in the air, she wraps her arms around herself, and tries unsuccessfully to stop the shaking that came over her. Walking slowly, she could feel the warm tears escaping her eyes. Emotions she has kept for so long, unnoticed, now flow unrestrained on the sides of her face.
She is unable to keep the emotions in anymore, she is tired of the pretence, sick and overwhelmed with the almost-ness of her encounters with him. There was always a chance of possibility, but never a real fulfillment between them. They are so close, and yet, still so far.
The cold, harsh wind felt almost soothing on her face, the thin scarf looped around her neck providing little protection against it. She realized, now, that she couldn’t live with this. Tried as she had, she couldn’t bear another moment of being so close to him, and yet never really being with him. Tried as she had, she couldn’t imagine herself being just friends with him. It would be too painful, even for her. Better not to see him, than to see him with one that was not herself. She thought she could live with it, she thought she would be able to manage at least that, in order to see him. However, she realized, she could not, and did not want to do that.
Why hold on to him, even as you feel him slipping away from you? Why go through so much pain and hurt, just to catch a glimpse of him? Is it really worth it? “No. Not enough”, her voice coming out as a whisper. Nevertheless, her voice gained strength, as she now knows that it really isn’t enough for her. She wants a relationship, not a pining from afar. She wants him, not fragments of him. She wants to be with him, and not just around him. She want a them, not just her and him.
She is surprised at what she could live with. After living this life, she realizes that she doesn’t want this life anymore. She doesn’t want to put up with it anymore. She is ready to move on. Ready to move on, seeing that there is no reason nor want to keep her back, to ask her to stay.
Just as she reaches into her coat pocket to retrieve her phone, she notices footsteps behind her. She feels something, but choosing to ignore it, she prepares to call the rest of them and tell them she isn’t going to go back to the café, and to help her say “goodbye.”
“Ally?”
Dropping her phone back into her pocket, she turns around to face the occupant of the voice.
“James? What are you doing here? Where’s Isabelle?” She is glad that the wind has blown dry the telltale streaks on her face by now.
He approaches closer to her, concern being evident in those eyes of his. She almost took a step back.
“Isabelle? Oh, she’s waiting in the café for her fiancé to pick her up. He should be here by now.” As he said that, she knew she made the right choice. She really wasn’t able to go through any more hurt of seeing him with others, obsessing that they are together, especially when they turn out to be not together. She grimaces at the thought of her having that hope after she realizes after each time that he isn’t with any of his so-called “companions”.
She really has to move away and let it go. Let him go. Let herself go.
Then why is she moving closer to him, why is it that she can’t help but fall into his arms and allow her tears to over-whelm her again? As he holds her close to him, she could barely support herself as her sobs escape her, her tears making a mess of the front of his shirt.
It pains him to see his Ally in such a state. His Ally. Now is probably not a very good time to confess of whatever feelings he has for her. He will not add on to her already vulnerable state.
They started as colleagues, which quickly progressed to being friends. Somehow, they understood each other, knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, always there to look out for each other’s welfare…similar, yet so different in their characters and the way they behave. However, there came a time where they were at their closest, and suddenly, things became awkward. Neither of them was willing to confront the feelings that have arisen over the years of close fellowship, each with the fear of rejection and fear of losing the relationship they already had. So they grew distant, drifted apart…met each other less, saw more of others than of each other. Oh, what he would give just for those times again, just for her to be joyous once again.
Releasing his hold on her, he motioned for her to put on his coat that he had taken off earlier. Wiping away the tears on her face, he asked her, “What happened?”
“Jimmy, what happened to us? How did we grow apart? When did I start to lose you?”Her voice is shaky, and she swiped at her eyes wearily. On impulse, she looked up into his eyes. Eyes she sought out in the crowds, eyes she had already memorized, eyes that were now filled with the one emotion she had been struggling with-a resemblance of love stared back at her. She let out a gasp she didn’t even know she was holding.
“James, tell me. Tell me exactly what is in your heart right now.”
He didn’t deserve her. He still doesn’t. With his record of failed relationships, he was taken aback when Ally didn’t mind and still reached out to him, treating him as an equal, never once assuming the moral high ground. He had his chance, and he blew it. What will he do now that he is given a second chance?
“Allison, you know me. You know I have never been good with relationships, and I don’t think I ever will. I grew to have feelings for you, but I didn’t want to risk the possibility of this one failing. I care too much about us to risk ruining what we had. I didn’t know how you feel about me-Ally; I just might be really in love with you.”
Never once had he felt like this, not in his past relationships. He feels insecure and yet he doesn’t mind it, he doesn’t mind putting his heart on his sleeve, doesn’t mind being seen as needy…as long as he made his feelings known, it is enough. Pride has long been forgotten.
With his eyes concentrated somewhere near the top of her head, he missed the smile that came onto her face. What he doesn’t miss however, is her arms reaching forward to envelop him into an embrace. Leaning his face against the side of hers, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo that lingers in her hair, he barely hears her speak, “my dear Jimmy, I think I just might be falling in love with you too.”
They stood there for a long while. Just like that. In each other’s arms, they found the place where they belonged. He gave her a reason to stay, and stay she did.
Neither of them knows for sure what the future holds. As for the relationship that they share, they both know it is fragile, they both are still unsure of where it will lead them. Nevertheless, for now, it feels right. Right like never before. And for that, they both know that they are here to stay.
Monday, December 24, 2007
How do you hold on to someone you've never met?
- The Lake House.
I realised, again, that the higher your expectations, the higher the chance of you getting disappointed.
forgive me, but I feel like being in one of my sentimental and emotional moods this time round.
I feel guilty really. I feel very confused with what I feel. Sometimes, I'm not even sure whether the feelings are real, or just made-up. Made-up because I want to feel something. I have little idea of what that something is.
Sometimes, when things are wrapped up prettily, it is then that they are at their best. When you tear away the wrapping paper, that is when you realise that really, you don't really get what you want. Even if that something is something you may happen to like, but as long as it is not what you have expected, it will fail you. Right now, I wish I had never opened the present. That way, at least I could have kept it in its' best form, holding the perfect possibility.
How do you let go of feelings you yourself are not quite sure are real?How do you avoid thoughts you think are wrong even as they make you smile?How do you pretend that it's all a farce, that it has nothing to do with you, when actually, you think it has everything to do with you?It's funny how just a little interest can bring someone who used to be in the background into the very centre of attention. It's funny how things can be made to seem as though they are connected, that as if, fate or destiny really has a part to play. It's funny how, if one really puts one's mind to it, even the impossible can be thought to be seemingly possible. That whatever is not there, can be made seemingly real.
It can get quite scary at times. I get frightened at times. But I know, even as I type this entry out..by the time I prepare to go to sleep, and by the time I wake up to a new morning tomorrow, all these thoughts will be almost gone. Not completely erased, but the majority will be gone. For I've decided a while back, that I want something real. Real, and not make-believe. I want something of my own. My story to tell, my feelings to give.
The feelings will linger, it does take some time for them to fade, but hopefully, soon, my eyes will start to clear, and I will see things the way they ought to be seen. That I will no longer say things to mean other things, that I will no longer imagine the inter-connectivity of events, conversations, happenings that are really not at all connected.
Maybe, just maybe, it is possible to let go of something you have never had.
And I guess, it is possible to hold on to someone you have never met.
- The Lake House.
I realised, again, that the higher your expectations, the higher the chance of you getting disappointed.
forgive me, but I feel like being in one of my sentimental and emotional moods this time round.
I feel guilty really. I feel very confused with what I feel. Sometimes, I'm not even sure whether the feelings are real, or just made-up. Made-up because I want to feel something. I have little idea of what that something is.
Sometimes, when things are wrapped up prettily, it is then that they are at their best. When you tear away the wrapping paper, that is when you realise that really, you don't really get what you want. Even if that something is something you may happen to like, but as long as it is not what you have expected, it will fail you. Right now, I wish I had never opened the present. That way, at least I could have kept it in its' best form, holding the perfect possibility.
How do you let go of feelings you yourself are not quite sure are real?How do you avoid thoughts you think are wrong even as they make you smile?How do you pretend that it's all a farce, that it has nothing to do with you, when actually, you think it has everything to do with you?It's funny how just a little interest can bring someone who used to be in the background into the very centre of attention. It's funny how things can be made to seem as though they are connected, that as if, fate or destiny really has a part to play. It's funny how, if one really puts one's mind to it, even the impossible can be thought to be seemingly possible. That whatever is not there, can be made seemingly real.
It can get quite scary at times. I get frightened at times. But I know, even as I type this entry out..by the time I prepare to go to sleep, and by the time I wake up to a new morning tomorrow, all these thoughts will be almost gone. Not completely erased, but the majority will be gone. For I've decided a while back, that I want something real. Real, and not make-believe. I want something of my own. My story to tell, my feelings to give.
The feelings will linger, it does take some time for them to fade, but hopefully, soon, my eyes will start to clear, and I will see things the way they ought to be seen. That I will no longer say things to mean other things, that I will no longer imagine the inter-connectivity of events, conversations, happenings that are really not at all connected.
Maybe, just maybe, it is possible to let go of something you have never had.
And I guess, it is possible to hold on to someone you have never met.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
SMASHING good times
Today officially marks the fourth consecutive day I've hit town. I myself can't believe it. I think I've set a new record. haha, for myself at least. It has really been an amazing week!I had a really good time watching movies,drinking eggnog,going christmas shopping, meeting up with our jc mates, eating, signing for so many presents that I've accumulated one whole stack of receipts..and most of all, the times spent laughing with good ol' loved ones, carrying taka's christmas bag and making our way through the streets of town.
And I felt really satisfied. Even as I brushed shoulders with the people on the streets, the people crossing the road..I felt very contented. Especially so when I saw looks that suggest similar feelings as mine on the faces of the people around me.
Okay, enough of the sentimental stuff.
Last night, our cell along with the younger cell groups had a roaring good time at our Christmas party. It was one of the craziest and most fun-filled time I have ever had. I mean seriously. We started with ice-breakers, which quickly progressed to us wolfing down dinner:baked rice with melted cheese over it, pizza, chicken curry with bread, sushi with japanese rice which was moi's cooking, and which sharon helped so graciously to pick up=)Dinner was fabulous.
And after that we played captain's ball. And guess what the games i/cs replaced our ball with?...one very raw chicken.
At first, I naively thought that they wouldn't be that cruel or disgusting to really carry the plan out. Guess what? After two throws, the wrapping of the chicken fell apart. Courtesy of me no less. hey,as a defender, I had to smack the chicken away right? Right?
So after we got over the disgust of having a chicken as a ball, we started off a time of screams, catching, throwing, swinging and batting the poor chicken into a bruised, broken piece of offending meat. What sick chicken murderers we turned out to be. You wouldn't believe this, but the way we girls screamed and held the chicken by the legs and some of us swinging the chicken by the neck or legs was quite amusing really. We all felt pity for the chicken. And I have to admit, I think I kinda broke one of the chicken's leg. I was quite disgusted by that point, and quite into the game, so I swung the chicken toward our group's captain, which he caught with much gusto and precision I must say.
Sorry Chicken. I mean it.
Anyway, after that..wait. Did I tell you that one time someone threw the chicken and it BOUNCED off my specs?gross I tell you.
haha.
so after which, we played a few more games which had us blowing balloons up, trying to grab and steal ballons in the dark and of course, we sang carols while playing "passing the parcel" game. To see the nicely wrapped presents being torn so hastily caused me to sigh quite a bit. To think if they knew about the effort that had gone into wrapping it..
and the night ended off with Adrain's sharing about the true meaning of christmas, which struck a chord in my heart..and forfeit. Those people actually had us(the people who lost in a few games)blindfolded and pretend to be prisoners-of-war!We had to like crawl on our knees, roll over on the ground, while they burst balloons, rocked chairs and all..it was funny and traumatising at the same time. Traumatising cause of the crawling and the blindfold. Funny because there was this one part when I was on the chair on my knees, and while I was scrambling to the other side, sammie passed me my phone cause my dad called. The conversation went like this:
Dad:Are you coming out soon?
Me:Daddy, this is really a bad moment, I am currently down on my knees, crawling and blindfolded, can I call you back?I'll be out at 9.45?
Dad:We're at the car-(disruption from the crowd)
Me:Hello people??! I'm in the middle of a phone call!(I was still on my knees and blindfolded)
Me:Yeah, I'll see you daddy at the carpark..
Geez.
oh oh, I got to pick out the gifts first! And I picked out this really nice gift wrapped in christmassy looking paper=)I'm going to open it on christmas day itself!I hope it's not food stuff..
haha.All in all, it was a really nice night.
I absolutely adore holidays.
Lord,Thank You for making all these possible, and for hearing my prayers. Won't You let our hearts be touched this Christmas Lord?
And I felt really satisfied. Even as I brushed shoulders with the people on the streets, the people crossing the road..I felt very contented. Especially so when I saw looks that suggest similar feelings as mine on the faces of the people around me.
Okay, enough of the sentimental stuff.
Last night, our cell along with the younger cell groups had a roaring good time at our Christmas party. It was one of the craziest and most fun-filled time I have ever had. I mean seriously. We started with ice-breakers, which quickly progressed to us wolfing down dinner:baked rice with melted cheese over it, pizza, chicken curry with bread, sushi with japanese rice which was moi's cooking, and which sharon helped so graciously to pick up=)Dinner was fabulous.
And after that we played captain's ball. And guess what the games i/cs replaced our ball with?...one very raw chicken.
At first, I naively thought that they wouldn't be that cruel or disgusting to really carry the plan out. Guess what? After two throws, the wrapping of the chicken fell apart. Courtesy of me no less. hey,as a defender, I had to smack the chicken away right? Right?
So after we got over the disgust of having a chicken as a ball, we started off a time of screams, catching, throwing, swinging and batting the poor chicken into a bruised, broken piece of offending meat. What sick chicken murderers we turned out to be. You wouldn't believe this, but the way we girls screamed and held the chicken by the legs and some of us swinging the chicken by the neck or legs was quite amusing really. We all felt pity for the chicken. And I have to admit, I think I kinda broke one of the chicken's leg. I was quite disgusted by that point, and quite into the game, so I swung the chicken toward our group's captain, which he caught with much gusto and precision I must say.
Sorry Chicken. I mean it.
Anyway, after that..wait. Did I tell you that one time someone threw the chicken and it BOUNCED off my specs?gross I tell you.
haha.
so after which, we played a few more games which had us blowing balloons up, trying to grab and steal ballons in the dark and of course, we sang carols while playing "passing the parcel" game. To see the nicely wrapped presents being torn so hastily caused me to sigh quite a bit. To think if they knew about the effort that had gone into wrapping it..
and the night ended off with Adrain's sharing about the true meaning of christmas, which struck a chord in my heart..and forfeit. Those people actually had us(the people who lost in a few games)blindfolded and pretend to be prisoners-of-war!We had to like crawl on our knees, roll over on the ground, while they burst balloons, rocked chairs and all..it was funny and traumatising at the same time. Traumatising cause of the crawling and the blindfold. Funny because there was this one part when I was on the chair on my knees, and while I was scrambling to the other side, sammie passed me my phone cause my dad called. The conversation went like this:
Dad:Are you coming out soon?
Me:Daddy, this is really a bad moment, I am currently down on my knees, crawling and blindfolded, can I call you back?I'll be out at 9.45?
Dad:We're at the car-(disruption from the crowd)
Me:Hello people??! I'm in the middle of a phone call!(I was still on my knees and blindfolded)
Me:Yeah, I'll see you daddy at the carpark..
Geez.
oh oh, I got to pick out the gifts first! And I picked out this really nice gift wrapped in christmassy looking paper=)I'm going to open it on christmas day itself!I hope it's not food stuff..
haha.All in all, it was a really nice night.
I absolutely adore holidays.
Lord,Thank You for making all these possible, and for hearing my prayers. Won't You let our hearts be touched this Christmas Lord?
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Christmas-This time of year.
We wish you a Merry Christmas!
There is just something special about Christmas. Or Someone actually. For many of us believers, the reason for Christmas is Christ. And Christmas can never be truly Christmas without Him. The season can be enjoyed, it can be meaningful time spent with family and friends, it can be a most treasured holiday..but Christmas can only be truly celebrated with Christ, and Christ alone.
I was just thinking about it just now, 'it's going to be our four years' anniversary this Christmas.' And I smiled. The kind of smile I hope is reserved specially for Jesus. The one where a smile just comes onto my face as He fills my heart with joy and my mind with thoughts of His faithfulness and His goodness.
I'm really glad. Glad that He has blessed us with so much. That not only can we celebrate Christmas with Him and His people, we can also enjoy blessed times with our family and friends. I really praise Him for the treasured times spent with sharon, grace, yiwen and all the rest of my beloved friends. And of course, the times spent with my family=)
Indeed, I have lots to thank Him for:
Thank You for letting Christmas be Christmas
Thank You for my very loved ones
Thank You for the Christmas shopping, the breaks at Starbucks
Thank You for the laughter, the joy, the craziness
Thank You for the lights, the Christmas trees, the food, the drinks, the gifts
Thank You most of all, for the greatest gift You have given us-Jesus!
I wish you all a most blessed Christmas and a happy happy New Year!And I hope that someday, all of us will truly know and love the reason for this season.
Merry Christmas,
Jean.
P.S. This second picture is for a very dear friend of mine. The picture reminds me of the four of us=)
There is just something special about Christmas. Or Someone actually. For many of us believers, the reason for Christmas is Christ. And Christmas can never be truly Christmas without Him. The season can be enjoyed, it can be meaningful time spent with family and friends, it can be a most treasured holiday..but Christmas can only be truly celebrated with Christ, and Christ alone.
I was just thinking about it just now, 'it's going to be our four years' anniversary this Christmas.' And I smiled. The kind of smile I hope is reserved specially for Jesus. The one where a smile just comes onto my face as He fills my heart with joy and my mind with thoughts of His faithfulness and His goodness.
I'm really glad. Glad that He has blessed us with so much. That not only can we celebrate Christmas with Him and His people, we can also enjoy blessed times with our family and friends. I really praise Him for the treasured times spent with sharon, grace, yiwen and all the rest of my beloved friends. And of course, the times spent with my family=)
Indeed, I have lots to thank Him for:
Thank You for letting Christmas be Christmas
Thank You for my very loved ones
Thank You for the Christmas shopping, the breaks at Starbucks
Thank You for the laughter, the joy, the craziness
Thank You for the lights, the Christmas trees, the food, the drinks, the gifts
Thank You most of all, for the greatest gift You have given us-Jesus!
I wish you all a most blessed Christmas and a happy happy New Year!And I hope that someday, all of us will truly know and love the reason for this season.
Merry Christmas,
Jean.
P.S. This second picture is for a very dear friend of mine. The picture reminds me of the four of us=)
Monday, December 17, 2007
in moments like these-
Silent night, holy night..All is calm, all is bright..
It was a beautiful night. Standing outside on the street, with the company of friends, enjoying the time together, along with the rest of the people who gathered round the choir just upfront.Some knew each other, others didn't. It didn't matter, it was not about them this time round. It was about something greater.
Music in the air, christmas carols being sung, angelic voices reaching the ears and touching the hearts of those who had the chance to be there.
Looking up at the night sky just beginning to cloud over, with its' purplish hue and a scattering of stars. The cool, soft wind blowing at their hair, on their faces..
Smiles on their faces. Some intentional, some not.
It felt like there was something extraordinary in that moment. It felt like a special moment. A moment which words fail to describe and pictures fail to capture. A moment which could only be experienced by yourself, be remembered in your own ways.A moment shared with others, and yet a moment truly yours alone.
Deep sighs punctuate the night. Wanting to capture and take in as much of that moment as possible.
Meeting others, sharing words and thoughts. Thinking of who else there could be. Dreaming of what else could happen.
A moment filled with exciting potential possibilities, of dreams, of thoughts, of experiencing reality with one's heart and soul.
Time slowed then. Just enough for all to stop what they were doing and to just stand there and bask in the love, the warmth, the joy, and the peace of the season.
To them, that scene, that moment was absolutely breath-taking.
It still is.
It was a beautiful night. Standing outside on the street, with the company of friends, enjoying the time together, along with the rest of the people who gathered round the choir just upfront.Some knew each other, others didn't. It didn't matter, it was not about them this time round. It was about something greater.
Music in the air, christmas carols being sung, angelic voices reaching the ears and touching the hearts of those who had the chance to be there.
Looking up at the night sky just beginning to cloud over, with its' purplish hue and a scattering of stars. The cool, soft wind blowing at their hair, on their faces..
Smiles on their faces. Some intentional, some not.
It felt like there was something extraordinary in that moment. It felt like a special moment. A moment which words fail to describe and pictures fail to capture. A moment which could only be experienced by yourself, be remembered in your own ways.A moment shared with others, and yet a moment truly yours alone.
Deep sighs punctuate the night. Wanting to capture and take in as much of that moment as possible.
Meeting others, sharing words and thoughts. Thinking of who else there could be. Dreaming of what else could happen.
A moment filled with exciting potential possibilities, of dreams, of thoughts, of experiencing reality with one's heart and soul.
Time slowed then. Just enough for all to stop what they were doing and to just stand there and bask in the love, the warmth, the joy, and the peace of the season.
To them, that scene, that moment was absolutely breath-taking.
It still is.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
A random but much needed trip to the Ice-cream shop-
"We have been serving therapy with a cherry."
-Creative Ice-cream, since 1986.
At times like this, a tub of ice-cream is exactly what she needs.
She slumps over the desk of the table infront of her, not even bothering to think of how undignified she looked, with her hair all over the place, elbows on the table, arms in an awkward position..all she needed right now is just rest. Rest and time alone from the pompous, assuming, think they know-it-all monsters.
She was glad her partner was away for that point of time,knowing that he would adorn this smirk on his face upon realising what had caused her to be so upset. Men, she thought.
Those insolent, self-aggrandizing, conceited gits have done it again. How dare they belittle her? Just because she is a young female in the police force does not in any case mean that she is not of standard. And that belittlement to come from them just proves to be too much. She has not gone through three gruelling years in the training academy, survived three years of operational cases to have some hogwash person younger than her to grade her and her abilities.
If she could have her way with him, she would have gladly grabbed hold of his scrawny neck and throttled him in a way where even the prison-bound criminals would not want to be dealt with.
Arghh. Maybe this is the burn-out people were always warning her about since her first term at the academy. But isn't it two and a half years' late? Maybe it's just a combination of it being a monday too depressing already to have a class of student cadets mess it even more.
Even if they choose to disregard her rank as it is, but surely her achievements over the years should have been an indication that she was more than able to be called part of the elite team at the Royal Mounted Canadian Police force. But no. Just because she's young and a female at that, they had to start questioning about her abilities. She was more than sure of her capabilites, but to have them questioned, not once, but twice from a group of people she terms "under-age" student cadets who are not capable enough even to handle paperwork, is just infuriating to say the least.
With an almost feral grin on her face, Ariel lifted her head off her table to nod with satisfaction as she remembered the after-effects of her mini lecture and demonstration in class. Those people are really lily-livered. Just talking about what she and her partners and the team had to do on operational cases had five of them stumbling over each other to sign out of the course. And just a swift tackling demonstration she had learned in year one was enough to leave the rest of them on the ground pleading for mercy. All that done without even breaking into perspiration. And they had the gall to question her?
Well, at least they seemed to have learned their lesson. At the end of the two hours of lesson time, she had successfully weeded out the ones with not even an ounce of potential what-so-ever and with attitudes that were beyond redemption. She managed to gain the respect of the rest of the remaining student cadets and even managed to pick out a few with potential. Not bad for a day's work really.
The reason why she was upset was not because of the student cadets. They could have no effect on her. It was just the pre-conceived mind-set of society that irked her. The notion that the police force and other "typical male jobs" cannot possibly include females, and especially not females in the higher places. It's just something she and her girlfriends were always commenting upon.
Well, at least, the system does not register with that notion, and even though it is still tougher for females, but just like where she works now, one-third of the higher ranks are being held by females. And more people are starting to disregard the notion and work to achieve what they believe in.
All that's said and done, and now what Ariel really wants is a tub of really good ice-cream.
Picking up her phone, she typed a quick message and sent it to a few familiar numbers. A message that included words like, "Ice-cream at Delectatio? Twenty mins."
Picking up her things, she got ready for the get-together with friends and her much-needed ice-cream.
-Creative Ice-cream, since 1986.
At times like this, a tub of ice-cream is exactly what she needs.
She slumps over the desk of the table infront of her, not even bothering to think of how undignified she looked, with her hair all over the place, elbows on the table, arms in an awkward position..all she needed right now is just rest. Rest and time alone from the pompous, assuming, think they know-it-all monsters.
She was glad her partner was away for that point of time,knowing that he would adorn this smirk on his face upon realising what had caused her to be so upset. Men, she thought.
Those insolent, self-aggrandizing, conceited gits have done it again. How dare they belittle her? Just because she is a young female in the police force does not in any case mean that she is not of standard. And that belittlement to come from them just proves to be too much. She has not gone through three gruelling years in the training academy, survived three years of operational cases to have some hogwash person younger than her to grade her and her abilities.
If she could have her way with him, she would have gladly grabbed hold of his scrawny neck and throttled him in a way where even the prison-bound criminals would not want to be dealt with.
Arghh. Maybe this is the burn-out people were always warning her about since her first term at the academy. But isn't it two and a half years' late? Maybe it's just a combination of it being a monday too depressing already to have a class of student cadets mess it even more.
Even if they choose to disregard her rank as it is, but surely her achievements over the years should have been an indication that she was more than able to be called part of the elite team at the Royal Mounted Canadian Police force. But no. Just because she's young and a female at that, they had to start questioning about her abilities. She was more than sure of her capabilites, but to have them questioned, not once, but twice from a group of people she terms "under-age" student cadets who are not capable enough even to handle paperwork, is just infuriating to say the least.
With an almost feral grin on her face, Ariel lifted her head off her table to nod with satisfaction as she remembered the after-effects of her mini lecture and demonstration in class. Those people are really lily-livered. Just talking about what she and her partners and the team had to do on operational cases had five of them stumbling over each other to sign out of the course. And just a swift tackling demonstration she had learned in year one was enough to leave the rest of them on the ground pleading for mercy. All that done without even breaking into perspiration. And they had the gall to question her?
Well, at least they seemed to have learned their lesson. At the end of the two hours of lesson time, she had successfully weeded out the ones with not even an ounce of potential what-so-ever and with attitudes that were beyond redemption. She managed to gain the respect of the rest of the remaining student cadets and even managed to pick out a few with potential. Not bad for a day's work really.
The reason why she was upset was not because of the student cadets. They could have no effect on her. It was just the pre-conceived mind-set of society that irked her. The notion that the police force and other "typical male jobs" cannot possibly include females, and especially not females in the higher places. It's just something she and her girlfriends were always commenting upon.
Well, at least, the system does not register with that notion, and even though it is still tougher for females, but just like where she works now, one-third of the higher ranks are being held by females. And more people are starting to disregard the notion and work to achieve what they believe in.
All that's said and done, and now what Ariel really wants is a tub of really good ice-cream.
Picking up her phone, she typed a quick message and sent it to a few familiar numbers. A message that included words like, "Ice-cream at Delectatio? Twenty mins."
Picking up her things, she got ready for the get-together with friends and her much-needed ice-cream.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Jewellery
Rings need not come in pairs.
-Me.
As I was reading the morning news just now, I was struck by a train of thought. I was just staring blankly at the Goldheart jewellery advertisement, with this couple and a celestial diamond ring on the woman's wedding hand.And I was just thinking that the picture doesn't really rank high on my "wow" list when it struck me. Why do all jewellery advertisements feature couples? Whether it's for different seasons like Christmas, Valentine's Day...it's always about couples!
I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong about couples, but shouldn't jewellery be featured in a way that shows it goes beyond just a representation of a man's love for his female partner?
A diamond is forever.
Sounds familiar? What about this? Diamonds are girls' best friends.
So I'm thinking why can't jewellery be featured in a way that represents the special bond between friends? Family?
Why can't jewellery be a gift children purchase for their parents?Vice Versa?Or jewellery as a gift from one friend to another? Or jewellery to mark a certain fellowship between friends?Or a bond between family members?
I for one, have at least three rings bought together with three different groups of friends. Though I don't wear them now, I have not forgotten them either. And the rings remind me of the precious times spent with my friends, how we "oohed" and "aahed" over the rings and finally decided to get the same ring, just in different sizes.
What is more is that I know many single and attached females out there who share this idea of purchasing the first diamond for ourselves with our very own paycheck. Our very own diamond.Selected by us, for us.I mean, look at this. Jewellery does not and should not just centre around marital love or love between appropriate partners. And advertisements for jewellery should and must go beyond just featuring couples in love, solitary females skipping around wearing red dresses..even this particular advertisement of a pair of good friends exchanging gifts of jewellery was somewhat ruined by the background of the gifts being wedding gifts. Geez!
We need more posters,more ideas focussed on friends, family, maybe even strangers or acquaintances! Who determined that jewellery can only be bought for someone you know intimately about? In fact, I know that earrings and necklaces are often given as gifts to people you don't know much about. I mean yeah, they are somewhat easier to get as gifts, but it's the thought process that matters, that we should focus on! When one selcets jewellery for another, one will have to think of the recipient of the gift. Whether or not it suits the recipient and all. Even if the result is not what the recipient may have expected, but this is the case where it's the thought that counts.
Wow. That was some train of thought. haha.
A picture of a group of friends walking down the street, or just sitting around a coffee table holding their mugs just flitted by in my mind. A group of friends with rings on their right hands. Rings that need not come in pairs, rings which proclaim freedom, love, and above all, rings which mean something and are represented in cherished moments.
-Me.
As I was reading the morning news just now, I was struck by a train of thought. I was just staring blankly at the Goldheart jewellery advertisement, with this couple and a celestial diamond ring on the woman's wedding hand.And I was just thinking that the picture doesn't really rank high on my "wow" list when it struck me. Why do all jewellery advertisements feature couples? Whether it's for different seasons like Christmas, Valentine's Day...it's always about couples!
I mean there's absolutely nothing wrong about couples, but shouldn't jewellery be featured in a way that shows it goes beyond just a representation of a man's love for his female partner?
A diamond is forever.
Sounds familiar? What about this? Diamonds are girls' best friends.
So I'm thinking why can't jewellery be featured in a way that represents the special bond between friends? Family?
Why can't jewellery be a gift children purchase for their parents?Vice Versa?Or jewellery as a gift from one friend to another? Or jewellery to mark a certain fellowship between friends?Or a bond between family members?
I for one, have at least three rings bought together with three different groups of friends. Though I don't wear them now, I have not forgotten them either. And the rings remind me of the precious times spent with my friends, how we "oohed" and "aahed" over the rings and finally decided to get the same ring, just in different sizes.
What is more is that I know many single and attached females out there who share this idea of purchasing the first diamond for ourselves with our very own paycheck. Our very own diamond.Selected by us, for us.I mean, look at this. Jewellery does not and should not just centre around marital love or love between appropriate partners. And advertisements for jewellery should and must go beyond just featuring couples in love, solitary females skipping around wearing red dresses..even this particular advertisement of a pair of good friends exchanging gifts of jewellery was somewhat ruined by the background of the gifts being wedding gifts. Geez!
We need more posters,more ideas focussed on friends, family, maybe even strangers or acquaintances! Who determined that jewellery can only be bought for someone you know intimately about? In fact, I know that earrings and necklaces are often given as gifts to people you don't know much about. I mean yeah, they are somewhat easier to get as gifts, but it's the thought process that matters, that we should focus on! When one selcets jewellery for another, one will have to think of the recipient of the gift. Whether or not it suits the recipient and all. Even if the result is not what the recipient may have expected, but this is the case where it's the thought that counts.
Wow. That was some train of thought. haha.
A picture of a group of friends walking down the street, or just sitting around a coffee table holding their mugs just flitted by in my mind. A group of friends with rings on their right hands. Rings that need not come in pairs, rings which proclaim freedom, love, and above all, rings which mean something and are represented in cherished moments.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Routines:Of Coffee-
"Over second and third cups flow matters of high finance, high state, common gossip and low comedy. [Coffee] is a social binder, a warmer of tongues, a soberer of minds, a stimulant of wit, a foiler of sleep if you want it so. From roadside mugs to the classic demi-tasse, it is the perfect democrat." -- The New York Times, 1949
Today's friday. Her turn to purchase the morning drinks. As she cradled the warm takeaway cups in her hands, she thought of how this little routine started, among the other routines. It seems to her, that they were routine-type people, never quite willing to admit that their life was a routine and consisted of routines, and yet seemingly comfortable with how things work out now, and not quite willing to disrupt the usual flow of things.
She smiled as she breathed in the sweet waft of air that rose up from the cups. Today's Dulce de Leche Crème day. Classic Latin American milk caramel, with freshly steamed milk, topped with whipped cream and a dusting of toffee sprinkles. A sweet, indulgent treat indeed.
It was a monday, she remembered. One of the first few mondays at work. Having just settled in, and not quite sure as of yet how things were done and not quite in her mode yet, she decided a cup of coffee was what she desperately needed to chase away the monday blues. She remembered it was a tall caramel macchiato. Coffee and caramel, one of the best combinations. Toffeenut syrup comes a close second. And as usual, when out of options to choose from, coffee and chocolate would always be something to count on for an instant pick-me-up.
Anyway, just as she was about to order her drink, she realised that it wouldn't harm her to call her partner and ask if he wanted anything. She expected him to be someone who doesn't really drink coffee, but if he did, it was bound to be something typical like straight black or double espresso. Nothing fanciful or creative. Well, at least she thought that was what his personality seemed like to her. Efficient work attitude, distant personality and looks that scream "Aristocrat!". She had absolutely no idea why he chose this career. But apparently, he was good at what he does. In fact, one of the best out on the field.
He picked up on the second ring, his smooth, aristocratic voice seemed pleasant enough over the phone. Pleasant enough for her to voice out her question, albeit hesitantly.
"hey,it's Ariel here, i'm just about to get my caffeine fix from the cafe just outside the office, and i was just wondering if you wanted anything."She smiled unconsciously, expecting to hear a "No, it's alright" or "If it's not too much of a problem, an espresso please."
His reply couldn't have been more surprising, "A vanilla latte would be nice. Thanks for the trouble and for asking."
She almost had a cramp from having to try contain her laughter that was just about to burst out from her. "A vanilla latte?" Now, she really couldn't help but grin widely, "Sure, i'll get you a tall?"
Even after hanging up and ordering, she was still chuckling to herself and muttering,"vanilla latte??". 'Now that was a surprise,' she thought to herself.
That day, the monday blues were indeed chased away, and Ariel did get to know her partner more. He was still distant and closed-up, but she could tell he wasn't that difficult afterall, it's just a harsh side to his overall personality.
She gathered this as at the end of the day, just as she was about to leave, her partner spoke up.
"hey Taylor(surnames at work), coffee's on me tomorrow. What do you prefer?" He said it in his usual off-hand way, as if he felt uncomfortable about doing the asking. He probably never had to do anyone a favour. But well, since he offered..
"Just get me whatever you're having tomorrow. Thanks Damien." She opted to use his first name seeing that she was already going off work. Smiling at him as she turned round the corner, she thought,"I could get used to this."
The next day, he got them both a raspberry mocha.
Today's friday. Her turn to purchase the morning drinks. As she cradled the warm takeaway cups in her hands, she thought of how this little routine started, among the other routines. It seems to her, that they were routine-type people, never quite willing to admit that their life was a routine and consisted of routines, and yet seemingly comfortable with how things work out now, and not quite willing to disrupt the usual flow of things.
She smiled as she breathed in the sweet waft of air that rose up from the cups. Today's Dulce de Leche Crème day. Classic Latin American milk caramel, with freshly steamed milk, topped with whipped cream and a dusting of toffee sprinkles. A sweet, indulgent treat indeed.
It was a monday, she remembered. One of the first few mondays at work. Having just settled in, and not quite sure as of yet how things were done and not quite in her mode yet, she decided a cup of coffee was what she desperately needed to chase away the monday blues. She remembered it was a tall caramel macchiato. Coffee and caramel, one of the best combinations. Toffeenut syrup comes a close second. And as usual, when out of options to choose from, coffee and chocolate would always be something to count on for an instant pick-me-up.
Anyway, just as she was about to order her drink, she realised that it wouldn't harm her to call her partner and ask if he wanted anything. She expected him to be someone who doesn't really drink coffee, but if he did, it was bound to be something typical like straight black or double espresso. Nothing fanciful or creative. Well, at least she thought that was what his personality seemed like to her. Efficient work attitude, distant personality and looks that scream "Aristocrat!". She had absolutely no idea why he chose this career. But apparently, he was good at what he does. In fact, one of the best out on the field.
He picked up on the second ring, his smooth, aristocratic voice seemed pleasant enough over the phone. Pleasant enough for her to voice out her question, albeit hesitantly.
"hey,it's Ariel here, i'm just about to get my caffeine fix from the cafe just outside the office, and i was just wondering if you wanted anything."She smiled unconsciously, expecting to hear a "No, it's alright" or "If it's not too much of a problem, an espresso please."
His reply couldn't have been more surprising, "A vanilla latte would be nice. Thanks for the trouble and for asking."
She almost had a cramp from having to try contain her laughter that was just about to burst out from her. "A vanilla latte?" Now, she really couldn't help but grin widely, "Sure, i'll get you a tall?"
Even after hanging up and ordering, she was still chuckling to herself and muttering,"vanilla latte??". 'Now that was a surprise,' she thought to herself.
That day, the monday blues were indeed chased away, and Ariel did get to know her partner more. He was still distant and closed-up, but she could tell he wasn't that difficult afterall, it's just a harsh side to his overall personality.
She gathered this as at the end of the day, just as she was about to leave, her partner spoke up.
"hey Taylor(surnames at work), coffee's on me tomorrow. What do you prefer?" He said it in his usual off-hand way, as if he felt uncomfortable about doing the asking. He probably never had to do anyone a favour. But well, since he offered..
"Just get me whatever you're having tomorrow. Thanks Damien." She opted to use his first name seeing that she was already going off work. Smiling at him as she turned round the corner, she thought,"I could get used to this."
The next day, he got them both a raspberry mocha.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
notice~
I have decided to include snippets of my writing in this online journal of mine. haha, my thoughts and my words=)
information used may be inaccurate as it is twisted to fit my purposes, but hey, it is fiction afterall!
yay. this is something i've always wanted to do. meanwhile, i have to see how i can spruce up this journal of mine.
haha.
thank You Lord!
information used may be inaccurate as it is twisted to fit my purposes, but hey, it is fiction afterall!
yay. this is something i've always wanted to do. meanwhile, i have to see how i can spruce up this journal of mine.
haha.
thank You Lord!
Remembering-
You're in my arms and all the world is gone, the music playing on for only two..so close together, and when I'm with you, so close to feeling alive. So close of waiting here with you, and now forever I'll know all that I wanted, to hold you so close. So close to reaching the happy end..so close, yet still so far.
It was the last waltz of the night. That was where she got to know him, there in his arms, she had her first conversation with him. It was the night of celebration, a masquerade ball was held in honour of the recent batch of graduates of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.It was the night of celebration, for the cadets' who made it through their three years of training, and it was a night to usher them into the real world. The world where the skills they have learned in the training academy will be put to the test. Out of the 35 cadets who graduated, 7 will opt out to be posted to less strenuous departments which involve more paperwork, less operational cases. 8 will suffer burn-out cases within the first six months. And only 12 of the remaining 20 cadets will join the elite team of the police squad.
The facts were clear, and the higher-ups were waiting to see who will be the twelve this year.
She knew all these as she danced with him. And so did he. Neither of them knew each other when she accepted his invitation for the last dance of that night. And neither of them bothered to ask for the other's name, knowing that there is always the possibility that they might not see each other again. So why bother? Why not just let it remain a cherished memory?Just a night spent in each other's arms. For now, that was enough.
As he led her on the ballroom floor, turning her, their steps syncronised and as they fell into an easy dance pattern, as she looked into his eyes, she wondered,"Will I recognise these eyes should I see them again? Or will I just brush them off as just another one of those moments?"She wondered if she should memorise those eyes, that someday she will recognise them. She wanted to know who was her dance partner under his mask, she wanted to know what he looked like, she wanted to know if his grey eyes stay that stormy and distant at all times.She wanted to know him.
Drawing her close to him, he smiled an easy smile and answered her,"It's better if it stays this way."
That was the first time she met him.
It was the last waltz of the night. That was where she got to know him, there in his arms, she had her first conversation with him. It was the night of celebration, a masquerade ball was held in honour of the recent batch of graduates of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.It was the night of celebration, for the cadets' who made it through their three years of training, and it was a night to usher them into the real world. The world where the skills they have learned in the training academy will be put to the test. Out of the 35 cadets who graduated, 7 will opt out to be posted to less strenuous departments which involve more paperwork, less operational cases. 8 will suffer burn-out cases within the first six months. And only 12 of the remaining 20 cadets will join the elite team of the police squad.
The facts were clear, and the higher-ups were waiting to see who will be the twelve this year.
She knew all these as she danced with him. And so did he. Neither of them knew each other when she accepted his invitation for the last dance of that night. And neither of them bothered to ask for the other's name, knowing that there is always the possibility that they might not see each other again. So why bother? Why not just let it remain a cherished memory?Just a night spent in each other's arms. For now, that was enough.
As he led her on the ballroom floor, turning her, their steps syncronised and as they fell into an easy dance pattern, as she looked into his eyes, she wondered,"Will I recognise these eyes should I see them again? Or will I just brush them off as just another one of those moments?"She wondered if she should memorise those eyes, that someday she will recognise them. She wanted to know who was her dance partner under his mask, she wanted to know what he looked like, she wanted to know if his grey eyes stay that stormy and distant at all times.She wanted to know him.
Drawing her close to him, he smiled an easy smile and answered her,"It's better if it stays this way."
That was the first time she met him.
thanksgiving
When you pray for patience and to be closer to your family, it isn't just about receiving fuzzy warm feelings, it's about receiving opportunities to make them real.
- Evan Almighty(movie)
thank you lord. You have blessed me with so much more than i can ever imagine. i know at most times, i'm selfish, self-indulgent, emotional and non-sensical..my list of weakness goes on. but yet lord, You told me once and i still remember it till now, that there is nothing i can do to make you love me more, and there is nothing that i have done that could make you close the door. Your love for me, and for everyone of us is truly beyond what we know, beyond what we can imagine.
how can i live without you?
Everything that I do, everything that I know, everything that is in and out of my world, I can link it back to You. and i'm glad, because i know there are a lot of things that i do not understand in this world, but one thing that i can hold on to and that i can believe in is that You know all things, and that You love us and does not and will not harm us.
I just want to be where You are, dwelling in Your mighty presence, I don't want to worship from afar, I just want to be, I just want to be with You.
so draw me close Lord, draw me close to You.
draw me close to You, never let me go..I lay it all down again, just to hear You say that I'm Your friend. So help me find again, bring me back to You..You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed. You're all I want, help me know You are near.
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. -Psalm 27:4.
- Evan Almighty(movie)
thank you lord. You have blessed me with so much more than i can ever imagine. i know at most times, i'm selfish, self-indulgent, emotional and non-sensical..my list of weakness goes on. but yet lord, You told me once and i still remember it till now, that there is nothing i can do to make you love me more, and there is nothing that i have done that could make you close the door. Your love for me, and for everyone of us is truly beyond what we know, beyond what we can imagine.
how can i live without you?
Everything that I do, everything that I know, everything that is in and out of my world, I can link it back to You. and i'm glad, because i know there are a lot of things that i do not understand in this world, but one thing that i can hold on to and that i can believe in is that You know all things, and that You love us and does not and will not harm us.
I just want to be where You are, dwelling in Your mighty presence, I don't want to worship from afar, I just want to be, I just want to be with You.
so draw me close Lord, draw me close to You.
draw me close to You, never let me go..I lay it all down again, just to hear You say that I'm Your friend. So help me find again, bring me back to You..You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed. You're all I want, help me know You are near.
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life. -Psalm 27:4.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
musing
"One sometimes find what one is not looking for."
As I sat at my table with a spoon in my hand and a tub of chocolate ice-cream in my other hand, I thought of a few things. I need to cut my nails. Well, that thought was the most pressing at that moment. And after that, my thoughts got deeper, emotionally and philosphically.
Being a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, I realised that maybe,my thoughts are just a facade, my notions idealised ones, but not necessarily the one which I will choose in the end. If you were given a choice between a life with a good husband, beautiful kids, and a house you've always dreamt about and another life with a man you love but on a road that seems to take you nowhere, which would you choose?
I would choose to be with the man I love.
Who would in turn become my husband, and we'll have the life I've always dreamt of.
Which, obviously is not one of the two options given. That is why I realised that the reason why I have such idealised notions of love is because I wanted to live in denial of the realities of life and love. The reason why I have such high expectations is because I fear looking truthfully at what life has to offer.I have such dreams precisely because in the back of my mind I think and acknowledge that they may just be what they are. Dreams.
Note the past tense. Wanted.
Not to say I won't be having my romantic notions, but I guess, I'm starting to know that life has got plenty to offer me, it just may not be what I've dreamt of. And anyway, what I dream of, may not be what I want in actual fact. Dreams may be what we think we want, but not exactly what we want. It can however, be a sort of benchmark that guides us and reminds us not to fall too short in life, and something to hold on to even if they may not turn out to be real.One can always hope. And hope is what keep us going.
And sometimes, just sometimes, one may find what one is not looking for.
Still, sometimes, love has reasons reason itself does not know.
The reason why I typed all these is because I chose option a. Which just threw all my romantic notions out of the window, and I needed to know why.
As I sat at my table with a spoon in my hand and a tub of chocolate ice-cream in my other hand, I thought of a few things. I need to cut my nails. Well, that thought was the most pressing at that moment. And after that, my thoughts got deeper, emotionally and philosphically.
Being a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, I realised that maybe,my thoughts are just a facade, my notions idealised ones, but not necessarily the one which I will choose in the end. If you were given a choice between a life with a good husband, beautiful kids, and a house you've always dreamt about and another life with a man you love but on a road that seems to take you nowhere, which would you choose?
I would choose to be with the man I love.
Who would in turn become my husband, and we'll have the life I've always dreamt of.
Which, obviously is not one of the two options given. That is why I realised that the reason why I have such idealised notions of love is because I wanted to live in denial of the realities of life and love. The reason why I have such high expectations is because I fear looking truthfully at what life has to offer.I have such dreams precisely because in the back of my mind I think and acknowledge that they may just be what they are. Dreams.
Note the past tense. Wanted.
Not to say I won't be having my romantic notions, but I guess, I'm starting to know that life has got plenty to offer me, it just may not be what I've dreamt of. And anyway, what I dream of, may not be what I want in actual fact. Dreams may be what we think we want, but not exactly what we want. It can however, be a sort of benchmark that guides us and reminds us not to fall too short in life, and something to hold on to even if they may not turn out to be real.One can always hope. And hope is what keep us going.
And sometimes, just sometimes, one may find what one is not looking for.
Still, sometimes, love has reasons reason itself does not know.
The reason why I typed all these is because I chose option a. Which just threw all my romantic notions out of the window, and I needed to know why.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Literature.
Love's not love when it is mingled with regards that stand aloof from the entire point.
- King Lear, William Shakespeare
i've decided to type something literaturish today. i just realised, after 2 and a half years to having literature in both yj and ntu, i still revert back to using this quote from King Lear. I've probably seen and memorised many many quotes, of topics like injustice, family, state, violence and of course, love. Poem, novels, plays, sonnets, films. There is probably many more interesting and captivating quotes and passages from what we have read over the years. And frankly, i like this quote, but it ain't really the most awesome quote to me either, and yet, i quote it so often i have lost count of the many times i've said it out loud. Why, i wonder.
i guess it holds the place of simplicity in my book of quotes. haha, imaginary one of course. It remings me again and again that the moment "regards that stand aloof from the entire point" come in, that is when love, and other things like life start to seem complicated. And often, i get distracted. Confused and lost. I start to lose focus and discouragement starts to seep in.
3Fs:Frustration, Failure, Fear
cell last week reminded me of that;discouragement. And the three Rs to combat the three Fs of discouragement?
3Rs:Re-organise.Remember, Resist!
haha.it really reminded me that as humans, we tend to face discouragement quite often and we need to know that it is not a problem that we cannot solve. We just need to keep our focus clear and to keep it right and keep going.
i'm rambling now. but well, i just wanted to type. so this came out=)
i got this next section from my jie's blog:
I believe you are the answer to every tear I’ve cried
I believe that you are with me,My rising and my light.
Give me strength when I am weary
Give me hope when I can’t see
Through the crosses I must carry
Lord, bind my heart to thee
That when all my days are over and all my chores are done,
I may see your risen Glory
Forever where You are.
The Answer by Corrine May.
I almost teared up just now after reading my jie's blog. i think if my dad wasn't sitting next to me watching the news, i just might have done so.
It's just i knew exactly how my jie felt that dreadful day she had in school, and how she felt-discouraged. and to read of how she was blessed by God by the song was just very touching for me.
thank You Lord, for always being here, for hearing us when we are weak, when we are unable to do anything else other than letting our tears fall. thank You for hearing us and never failing to touch our hearts, to encourage us when we feel down and out, when we feel we don't deserve Your love. thank You Lord for showing us it's okay to cry, it's okay to weep, just as long as we know that after it all, we have hope and life in You.
love You
- King Lear, William Shakespeare
i've decided to type something literaturish today. i just realised, after 2 and a half years to having literature in both yj and ntu, i still revert back to using this quote from King Lear. I've probably seen and memorised many many quotes, of topics like injustice, family, state, violence and of course, love. Poem, novels, plays, sonnets, films. There is probably many more interesting and captivating quotes and passages from what we have read over the years. And frankly, i like this quote, but it ain't really the most awesome quote to me either, and yet, i quote it so often i have lost count of the many times i've said it out loud. Why, i wonder.
i guess it holds the place of simplicity in my book of quotes. haha, imaginary one of course. It remings me again and again that the moment "regards that stand aloof from the entire point" come in, that is when love, and other things like life start to seem complicated. And often, i get distracted. Confused and lost. I start to lose focus and discouragement starts to seep in.
3Fs:Frustration, Failure, Fear
cell last week reminded me of that;discouragement. And the three Rs to combat the three Fs of discouragement?
3Rs:Re-organise.Remember, Resist!
haha.it really reminded me that as humans, we tend to face discouragement quite often and we need to know that it is not a problem that we cannot solve. We just need to keep our focus clear and to keep it right and keep going.
i'm rambling now. but well, i just wanted to type. so this came out=)
i got this next section from my jie's blog:
I believe you are the answer to every tear I’ve cried
I believe that you are with me,My rising and my light.
Give me strength when I am weary
Give me hope when I can’t see
Through the crosses I must carry
Lord, bind my heart to thee
That when all my days are over and all my chores are done,
I may see your risen Glory
Forever where You are.
The Answer by Corrine May.
I almost teared up just now after reading my jie's blog. i think if my dad wasn't sitting next to me watching the news, i just might have done so.
It's just i knew exactly how my jie felt that dreadful day she had in school, and how she felt-discouraged. and to read of how she was blessed by God by the song was just very touching for me.
thank You Lord, for always being here, for hearing us when we are weak, when we are unable to do anything else other than letting our tears fall. thank You for hearing us and never failing to touch our hearts, to encourage us when we feel down and out, when we feel we don't deserve Your love. thank You Lord for showing us it's okay to cry, it's okay to weep, just as long as we know that after it all, we have hope and life in You.
love You
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
thank You=)
Whee~!
exams are OVERRR. haha, i just watched the trailer for the movie Enchanted and it was super duper funny!i laughed like a hyena=)
sharon! must go watch the movie SOON kay?ask grace and carol too!!or we could ask yiwen whether she wants to watch it on fri?
oh ya, just now my mum just flashed me the most awesome smile i've ever seen. seriously. i mean her face just lit up and to exaggerate a bit, she almost glowed.yup,i was beyond surprised!it was really nice though.
and sharon?thanks for the dinner and the time spent just now=)
haha.i'm using my blog as a pin-up board for notes..
I came here broken, You made me whole
You have been so good, You have been so good,
You have been so good to me.
exams are OVERRR. haha, i just watched the trailer for the movie Enchanted and it was super duper funny!i laughed like a hyena=)
sharon! must go watch the movie SOON kay?ask grace and carol too!!or we could ask yiwen whether she wants to watch it on fri?
oh ya, just now my mum just flashed me the most awesome smile i've ever seen. seriously. i mean her face just lit up and to exaggerate a bit, she almost glowed.yup,i was beyond surprised!it was really nice though.
and sharon?thanks for the dinner and the time spent just now=)
haha.i'm using my blog as a pin-up board for notes..
I came here broken, You made me whole
You have been so good, You have been so good,
You have been so good to me.
Friday, November 16, 2007
bleughh
yay..two done, two more to go!
haha, i'm actually looking forward to the tcm exam=)zhong lao shi is so nice!haha, he sent us an e-mail telling us what to study for the exam and to relax and rest well!awesome right?
anyway, today was a bit of a surprise. haha, we did have to translate the first 20 lines of the general prologue!and to think i did TWO chaucer texts. i think i did it wrongly though..we had to do it in prose? i think i just translated line by line. hmmm..okay, must submit this to God. i'm glad Lord, that i can cast my worries at your cross. though the results may not be what i want, but Lord, i want to trust in You, that You have plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a future and a hope. Jer 29:11. haha, that's shu hui's fav. verse. I claim this promise Lord!=)
thank you Jesus.
oh, and something quite embarrassing happened on the way home today. i was thinking i have to blog this even though it is quite silly. Two passer-bys asked me which is the closest jc(we were in bishan), and guess what i replied?"ermm..i think it's nyjc, but you'll have to take the bus 156 to get there." the next thing i know, they were like,"is there a raffles junior college here?" and i went..."Oh..yeah!actually, ahem ahem, it's just down the road."
my goodness. what was i thinking? maybe rjc isn't really that prominent afterall. haha.
okay, have to go mug over 104 soon. i hope you're feeling better sharon!=)
The Searchers. DPT. Heart of Darkness.
i want ice-cream.
haha, i'm actually looking forward to the tcm exam=)zhong lao shi is so nice!haha, he sent us an e-mail telling us what to study for the exam and to relax and rest well!awesome right?
anyway, today was a bit of a surprise. haha, we did have to translate the first 20 lines of the general prologue!and to think i did TWO chaucer texts. i think i did it wrongly though..we had to do it in prose? i think i just translated line by line. hmmm..okay, must submit this to God. i'm glad Lord, that i can cast my worries at your cross. though the results may not be what i want, but Lord, i want to trust in You, that You have plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a future and a hope. Jer 29:11. haha, that's shu hui's fav. verse. I claim this promise Lord!=)
thank you Jesus.
oh, and something quite embarrassing happened on the way home today. i was thinking i have to blog this even though it is quite silly. Two passer-bys asked me which is the closest jc(we were in bishan), and guess what i replied?"ermm..i think it's nyjc, but you'll have to take the bus 156 to get there." the next thing i know, they were like,"is there a raffles junior college here?" and i went..."Oh..yeah!actually, ahem ahem, it's just down the road."
my goodness. what was i thinking? maybe rjc isn't really that prominent afterall. haha.
okay, have to go mug over 104 soon. i hope you're feeling better sharon!=)
The Searchers. DPT. Heart of Darkness.
i want ice-cream.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
noooooo
goodness.
i'm turning into an air-head.
just ten mins ago i couldn't remember what the storeroom was called! i kept thinking staff room, staff room..
geez.literature is turning my head into mush. must be all the talking about masks, identity, the search for the essential..the green light..and now, wife of bath.
mush it is then. at least it will be intelligent, cultured and interesting mush.=)
joy to you and me.
i'm turning into an air-head.
just ten mins ago i couldn't remember what the storeroom was called! i kept thinking staff room, staff room..
geez.literature is turning my head into mush. must be all the talking about masks, identity, the search for the essential..the green light..and now, wife of bath.
mush it is then. at least it will be intelligent, cultured and interesting mush.=)
joy to you and me.
finding and keeping
i think i am addicted to peanut butter and butter toast.
no, i mean seriously.
anymore, more important and interesting things await-Exams start tomorrow!haha
have to go off soon to study the great gatsby and the wife of bath.=) i've decided i didn't have enough time and brain space for paradise lost..
nothing much happened recently, hence the lack of want or need to post.
ughh.
got it!
haha, i was thinking of what to write.
i was reading a story by this author, and she revealed that she's "notorious for starting things and not finishing them" but she realised that "all you need to do is to find the right story and to keep at it."
wow. i guess i'm like that really. i start on a lot of things, have ideas and all, but they always end up incomplete. well, here's to me finding my right story!
in a way, this really does apply to writing, to life and also to love.
Find the right story and keep at it.
no, i mean seriously.
anymore, more important and interesting things await-Exams start tomorrow!haha
have to go off soon to study the great gatsby and the wife of bath.=) i've decided i didn't have enough time and brain space for paradise lost..
nothing much happened recently, hence the lack of want or need to post.
ughh.
got it!
haha, i was thinking of what to write.
i was reading a story by this author, and she revealed that she's "notorious for starting things and not finishing them" but she realised that "all you need to do is to find the right story and to keep at it."
wow. i guess i'm like that really. i start on a lot of things, have ideas and all, but they always end up incomplete. well, here's to me finding my right story!
in a way, this really does apply to writing, to life and also to love.
Find the right story and keep at it.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
love actually-both sides now
Both Sides, Now
by Joni Mitchell
Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away
I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I was browsing through my selection on songs on youtube when i chanced upon this song. The song was featured in a really emotional scene in the movie Love Actually.Karen just found out that her husband cheated on her, and she was just playing this song and trying to blot out her tears. Truly a remarkable performance..i remember she asked Harry near the end of the movie,"If you were me, would you stay knowing that life will always be a little worse, or would you cut and run?". Famous line, but i think the real note-worthy one came right before that. Harry admitted that he was a fool. Karen replied, "You've not just made a fool of yourself, you've made a fool out of me and you've made my life foolish".
haha. a bit too melancholic yeah?
it's a really nice song though. go download it=)
oh, and sharon and i met grace today!!She got me this really nice floral-printed tumbler from Starbucks, which i absolutely fell in love with.haha, i mean like very very much=)and she did a really awesome drawing on the note!haha
a good day really. Looking forward to spending time with God and His people tomorrow!
thank you Lord for the anointing today. though it smelled of ginger, but to me it's sweet-smelling all the same.
by Joni Mitchell
Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away
I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I was browsing through my selection on songs on youtube when i chanced upon this song. The song was featured in a really emotional scene in the movie Love Actually.Karen just found out that her husband cheated on her, and she was just playing this song and trying to blot out her tears. Truly a remarkable performance..i remember she asked Harry near the end of the movie,"If you were me, would you stay knowing that life will always be a little worse, or would you cut and run?". Famous line, but i think the real note-worthy one came right before that. Harry admitted that he was a fool. Karen replied, "You've not just made a fool of yourself, you've made a fool out of me and you've made my life foolish".
haha. a bit too melancholic yeah?
it's a really nice song though. go download it=)
oh, and sharon and i met grace today!!She got me this really nice floral-printed tumbler from Starbucks, which i absolutely fell in love with.haha, i mean like very very much=)and she did a really awesome drawing on the note!haha
a good day really. Looking forward to spending time with God and His people tomorrow!
thank you Lord for the anointing today. though it smelled of ginger, but to me it's sweet-smelling all the same.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
hope
thank you Lord.
today has been quite a day. I was really looking forward to today as it's Professor Quigley day!haha, not exactly. But we do get to attend his lecture and tutorial=)
Lecture was interesting as usual, though it made me realise that i need to seriously brush up on my reading and understanding of my lecture notes and texts. oh, and we got our assignments back today.
B-. Well, i can't say i didn't feel disappointed at all, as it would be a lie. But what i am really thankful for is the encouragement that my lord gave me. As i was in the train stoning away, i thought about a prayer i made before receiving back my assignment. I told Jesus that i want to praise him, regardless of my grade. I put in my effort, and i left the rest to him.
and after receiving back my work, i found it quite hard to keep me promise. yet, i asked Jesus to help me find the joy to praise him still and to continue to hope in Him.
as i was stoning in the train while standing, we passed by a church that had a banner proclaiming this,"You O Lord are good, and Your love endures forever. Your faithfulness endures through all generations." I can't remember the exact verse, but it got me thinking. I remember being upset over past econs tests and assignments when i failed them horribly and just couldn't get them right. I thought of how He was always there to listen to me and to send people to me to encourage me and to help me. I thought of how He re-assured me and gave me his peace and joy. I thought of how he gave me back my hope and trust in him. I thought of how he blessed me with more than i could ever have imagined.I thought of Jesus and his faithfulness and i smiled.
I knew my hope and trust in him remains there and then, and even now, i'm still glad and i'm still hoping.
Jesus, You are indeed special beyond reason alone.
today has been quite a day. I was really looking forward to today as it's Professor Quigley day!haha, not exactly. But we do get to attend his lecture and tutorial=)
Lecture was interesting as usual, though it made me realise that i need to seriously brush up on my reading and understanding of my lecture notes and texts. oh, and we got our assignments back today.
B-. Well, i can't say i didn't feel disappointed at all, as it would be a lie. But what i am really thankful for is the encouragement that my lord gave me. As i was in the train stoning away, i thought about a prayer i made before receiving back my assignment. I told Jesus that i want to praise him, regardless of my grade. I put in my effort, and i left the rest to him.
and after receiving back my work, i found it quite hard to keep me promise. yet, i asked Jesus to help me find the joy to praise him still and to continue to hope in Him.
as i was stoning in the train while standing, we passed by a church that had a banner proclaiming this,"You O Lord are good, and Your love endures forever. Your faithfulness endures through all generations." I can't remember the exact verse, but it got me thinking. I remember being upset over past econs tests and assignments when i failed them horribly and just couldn't get them right. I thought of how He was always there to listen to me and to send people to me to encourage me and to help me. I thought of how He re-assured me and gave me his peace and joy. I thought of how he gave me back my hope and trust in him. I thought of how he blessed me with more than i could ever have imagined.I thought of Jesus and his faithfulness and i smiled.
I knew my hope and trust in him remains there and then, and even now, i'm still glad and i'm still hoping.
Jesus, You are indeed special beyond reason alone.
Monday, October 29, 2007
hmmm
dad's right. most of the thais have not even met their king personally and yet they are so devoted to him and have such great respect for him.because of what he has done for the country.
shouldn't it be the same for us believers?i mean, we have not personally met Jesus, some of us are still struggling to know him..but what He has done for us already deserves our highest praise and love, what more our respect and devotion? He is our King of kings, and Lord of lords!
love you Lord=)
shouldn't it be the same for us believers?i mean, we have not personally met Jesus, some of us are still struggling to know him..but what He has done for us already deserves our highest praise and love, what more our respect and devotion? He is our King of kings, and Lord of lords!
love you Lord=)
Saturday, October 27, 2007
love personality test
This is quite accurate=)
haha, i got stuck in the mood of taking online quizzes. there were some awkward questions, but i realized that you don't have to complete all questions to get the result. so yup.
hmmm..it can't come out complete. oh well, here's the complete version online:
http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DGLD&g=0&o=1
go check it out!
so people, is this true of me?;)
there are so many personality types!haha. i quite like mine.
haha, i got stuck in the mood of taking online quizzes. there were some awkward questions, but i realized that you don't have to complete all questions to get the result. so yup.
The SonnetDeliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLD) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. Your exact female opposite: Genghis Khunt  Random Brutal Sex Master Always avoid: The 5-Night Stand (DBSM), The False Messiah (DBLM), The Hornivore (RBSM), The Last Man on Earth (RBSD) Consider: The Loverboy (RGLM) |
| Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating. |
hmmm..it can't come out complete. oh well, here's the complete version online:
http://www.okcupid.com/personality?type=DGLD&g=0&o=1
go check it out!
so people, is this true of me?;)
there are so many personality types!haha. i quite like mine.
caffeine addiction
haha. i was reading up on general knowledge just now as usual when i came upon this website.
What type of coffee are you?
haha. that's me=)
What type of coffee are you?
| You Are a Frappacino |
 At your worst, you are: childish and over indulgent You drink coffee when: you're craving something sweet Your caffeine addiction level: low |
http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofcoffeeareyouquiz/">What Kind of Coffee Are You?
haha. that's me=)
Reflections-
After doing my reflection for my hw portfolio, i realised that i really am contended with my life right now.
i know lots of things ought to be done, changed and all..but later?
haha. i know, i know. lazy me.
Lord, i need your discipline and perseverance!
and at the same time, joy, love and peace?=)
thank youu.
school's been great really. What with sharon and yiwen's crazy lives and jokes to share about. haha, here's my summary of life at ntu so far:
First semester in ntu has been surprising to say the least. We started off with professor Dawson who's really anal about noise-he has to stop at least once during every lecture to tell us to shut up. Albeit more politely. Then, we had to face the intmidating hoca, who scared the crap out of me.haha, hoca is a nice name though-oops, what's his real name? But!The highlight of the first week, or was it the second week, was the lecture with Professor Quigley. We went from 'what??' to 'zzzzzz' in a matter of 40 mins. Sharon even managed to knock her book off her table, poor girl..must be too tired. haha,kidding!it was an accident..[but i'm sure we all know the real reason right?]
It took us weeks to finally understand and get used to Quiggle's accent. Weeks! haha, but a charming guy really. And as for jeremy and andrew, interesting tutors. Especially jeremy-thought-provoking lessons. Ms chan is absolutely awesome!haha, my fave female teacher=)
did i mention we have this absolutely charming and dashingly good-looking head of english?haha..dum dum dum-Professor Neil Murphy!Both yi jun and i will be like swooning over him every time we talk about him or see him.haha, we are such stalkers!Neil-watch out!
Now as i think about school, all that comes to mind are images like assignments, classes, Mac food, laughing over our professors' silly but funny antics, debates over literature, milo, food and of course, the long train rides-we end up reading till we reach Yew tee, and then we nap for a short while with music in our ears. it's nice to be back in school, back with friends, going for classes, talking about work and where to go on fridays..haha, i sound like such a nerd.
But, i'm grateful.
-beams-
till next post!
P.S-think i should tell ronnie of my half-completed blog?haha, you know my failures with blogs!
lovee
i know lots of things ought to be done, changed and all..but later?
haha. i know, i know. lazy me.
Lord, i need your discipline and perseverance!
and at the same time, joy, love and peace?=)
thank youu.
school's been great really. What with sharon and yiwen's crazy lives and jokes to share about. haha, here's my summary of life at ntu so far:
First semester in ntu has been surprising to say the least. We started off with professor Dawson who's really anal about noise-he has to stop at least once during every lecture to tell us to shut up. Albeit more politely. Then, we had to face the intmidating hoca, who scared the crap out of me.haha, hoca is a nice name though-oops, what's his real name? But!The highlight of the first week, or was it the second week, was the lecture with Professor Quigley. We went from 'what??' to 'zzzzzz' in a matter of 40 mins. Sharon even managed to knock her book off her table, poor girl..must be too tired. haha,kidding!it was an accident..[but i'm sure we all know the real reason right?]
It took us weeks to finally understand and get used to Quiggle's accent. Weeks! haha, but a charming guy really. And as for jeremy and andrew, interesting tutors. Especially jeremy-thought-provoking lessons. Ms chan is absolutely awesome!haha, my fave female teacher=)
did i mention we have this absolutely charming and dashingly good-looking head of english?haha..dum dum dum-Professor Neil Murphy!Both yi jun and i will be like swooning over him every time we talk about him or see him.haha, we are such stalkers!Neil-watch out!
Now as i think about school, all that comes to mind are images like assignments, classes, Mac food, laughing over our professors' silly but funny antics, debates over literature, milo, food and of course, the long train rides-we end up reading till we reach Yew tee, and then we nap for a short while with music in our ears. it's nice to be back in school, back with friends, going for classes, talking about work and where to go on fridays..haha, i sound like such a nerd.
But, i'm grateful.
-beams-
till next post!
P.S-think i should tell ronnie of my half-completed blog?haha, you know my failures with blogs!
lovee
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