Your dream for me.

My first free wednesday since school started has allowed me to enjoy doing things which I haven't had the chance to do for a long time. I was finally able to just blast the music from one of the cds, sing to my heart's content, read in peace, and watch my shows. but the best thing is I have finally understood one particular lesson.

I've been asking God this one question over and over again, "What do You want me to do?" and specifically, "Lord, what will You have me do in school?" I guess school is a major portion of our lives, because it takes up most of our days, and whether or not we like it, school has a huge impact on our lives. and I was unsure of what I'm supposed to do as a student.

my hopes as a student included that of: excelling in my major, having a flair for language, getting along well with my schoolmates and professors...but as I prayed and listed out all these hopes which I thought He wanted me to do, this sentence came into my mind, "what is it that you wanted to do?"

and somehow I knew I had consciously blocked out the one last thing in my list, and that is I want to be a lit. student. and I realized again how good the Lord has been to me. He knew that the only subject I wanted to pursue was lit. spencer helped sparked off this interest in lit., and it's a simple interest really. but along the way, I have been distracted by the many expectations people have of lit. they tell of how in order to be a lit student, you must have curiosity, you must have a passion to seek to know things, you need to write well, do well...and I forgot my own definition of what I think a lit student is. and He reminded me today, that I have always believed that a lit student is just a person who gets the opportunity to read texts and to share ideas about them. just that.

the world distracts us and puts us on a performance treadmill. it makes us believe we are accomplishing things only when we can be seen working hard and only when we see results. so we keep questioning ourselves about what should we do next, what do we need to achieve next..and we start to live our lives like it's a to-do list. and then we swing the other way and think we just need to be more spontaneous in life, go out more, do more exciting things to escape the dull routine of everyday life. I'm guilty of both. haha, that's just us humans I guess.

but I'm glad that's not what God created us for. He created us to love us and to let us enjoy His presence forever. we don't have to earn His love, and whatever we need, He freely gives to us. :) it took me many turns and stumbles before I learn to apply it to my school life. what He wants me to do, what I have to do, is what I myself want to do. For He has promised in His word that He will help me want and be able to do what He wants us to do.

What I want to do most is to know You, above all else, to know You. so that when I finally meet You face to face and You ask me what is my greatest achievement in all my life, I can tell You truthfully, "My greatest achievement is that I have known You".