the dark red circles seemed to make the floor a piece of art. I could almost imagine the splatter of red ink across the blank, white canvas. random spots which decorate the parchment. in any case, it didn't feel morbid staring down at the floor.

well. it was the pain which got me going. haha. you must be wondering what happened. I cut my left finger while throwing out the trash. a sharp edge of the tin can. it happened in a split second, and I didn't realise it until I saw the blood dripping frantically onto the kitchen floor. I don't think I have ever seen that much blood before. It was like the blood just couldn't stop flowing from my finger and tissue upon tissue was soaked. okay, parts of the tissues were soaked, not entirely.

and for a while there, I felt like I wanted to cry.

my parents told me to go to the doctor and I did. I went on auto-pilot, and didn't even realise I was already at the clinic. the treatment was bearable, but I was reminded of the smell at jurong east station. the smell of medicine, and the particular smell of clinics.

and I guess it didn't hit me until I paid for the bill and realised it came up to 46 bucks. and to tell you the truth, I was quite upset. I went back home and started rambling to God how exorbitant it was to treat the cut. I mean I know it is quite deep but 46?? and I guess the helplessness I felt earlier just transformed into the upset feelings. I just didn't understand some things.

and there was this moment in the clinic where I was getting treated for the cut, I just prayed so fervently that nothing like this would ever happen to grace, lea and georgie. I don't know why, I guess I just wanted God to protect them more now that we can't really be there for them physically. silly really. I mean I know God will still protect them.

oh well. anyway, shall not dwell on it! haha. I'm fine people!=)

alright, I promise the next post will be happier!;)