one more issue resolved..

For a very long time now, I have been searching and seeking God to reach out to me in some sort of explosive encounter. Some sort of really special experience. I have heard of how people have had those experiences with God, those divine and miraculous encounters with Him. And honestly to say, I don't think I have ever had those kind of experiences. For four years, I tried to think, okay..there will come a time where God will speak to me in a very personal way, in a way only He can do.

And this afternoon, I was hit again by a wave of longing, longing to just be able to feel Him, to sense His presence. I asked Him to allow me to be like Thomas, who had his hands placed in His. I told Him that I could be seen as having a weak faith, wanting to live my life by sight now, not faith..anything, just to be able to sense His presence. I couldn't stop the tears from coming. And yet, I still didn't feel His presence.

I wanted so badly to hear Him speak to me, to tell me where He wants me to go, to guide me, to lead me so clearly..

I still want Him to.

But when I was preparing lunch just now, a reminder came back to me, "If you keep waiting for an explosive encounter with God, you will miss seeing Him in all the little things in life."SP Dan Foo said that. I wasn't able to really understand this. I thought that wanting to sense His presence once in a while would be understandable. Then I realised, that God speaks to different people in different ways. And now I feel I'm beginning to realise that He doesn't speak to me in the way I hope for Him to, but that doesn't mean He doesn't speak to me. Looking back, my God has spoken to me in so many other ways, taught me, helped me, provided for me in so many ways that I have lost count.

No doubt, I still have that lingering hope that one day, I will too have this special encounter with Him-my own personal experience with God. But for now, I thank Him for all He has shown me all these years, all He has blessed me with all these years, and I pray Lord, that You will let me see You, let me see Your good hand in the many little things of life, that every day will be a day spent with You.

Once in a while special encounters with You would be very nice. But seeing You at work in every moment and circumstance of my life is way better. Lord, I think You made me a little too emotional and sentimental...but I know You're moulding me, and I'm still a work-in-progress.

Lord, continue to speak to me, continue to lead me. Continue oh Lord to be my Savior close enough to touch, strong enough to trust.