Talking to God and getting back on my feet~

As an aftermath of some getting back of results, here's my post of one of my another "talking to God and getting back on my feet" experiences.

So there I was, with a cup of too sweet tea at my side, I pressed the enter button(a bit harder than necessary I must admit), and I saw my results. haha. B+ for all except 104, I received a B for that. Not quite what I have been expecting I guess, and haha, you know what happens next.

anyway, this time, it took me quite a while to get back on track. I had the knowledge that God has plans to prosper me, He is a good God and all, but this time round, it didn't travel so quickly to my heart..it kinda got stuck as just head knowledge. So I wasn't able to give thanks that easily, or in a really heart-felt manner.

so I talked to Him more, ranted a bit, cried some more..haha, the usual works..then I tried thinking of Peter, John and the rest of His disciples. That was when I felt the head knowledge slowly, but surely transferring into heart acknowledgement.

In the olden days, people had to go through a lot of tests and processes before they could be called disciples of Rabbis, which are the esteemed teachers of those days. From what I've gathered, you were either selected to be disciples or rejected and you have to turn to other forms of jobs, or posts.

So I was thinking..and it hit me. That in many ways I can actually relate to Peter, John and the rest. They were born as fishermen, continued as fishermen for half of their lives, until one day, Jesus called them to be His disciples. Along the way, as we all know, they stayed with Jesus for about three and a half years. During that period of time, there were many instances of life's tests I would say. Peter and the rest stumbled, fell, had little faith in Jesus, even after witnessing His miracles and after tasting of His goodness. They even left Jesus, betrayed Him the day He was captured by the Pharisees. And yet, Jesus never once thought of forsaking them, His love for them didn't waver. His goodness didn't lessen.

After His resurrection, He even sought out Peter and co., and made breakfast for them. When Jesus was waiting for them, Peter and the rest went back to their original jobs-fishing, thinking that that was the end, Jesus would want nothing to do with them anymore. On the contrary, Jesus wanted everything to do with them. He called out to them again, and this time round, Peter understood. Along the way after that, their faith increased, their walk with God became closer...but I am quite sure they still wavered here and there along the way..becoming perfect only when they met Jesus again at the end of it all.

I guess, it is the same for me. I wasn't worthy enough to be anything, to be anyone, infact, I still am not worthy. Yet, Jesus extended His grace and His hand, to welcome me into His family, to call me not only His disciple, but a child of God. Along the way, I craved for the recognition of the world, craved for the best of everything..I stumbled, I fell. I think on a few occasions, I even left my God and His ways.And yet, He tells me again, that His love for me has never changed, His goodness does not depend on my ups or downs. His salvation for me does not and will not depend on my performance. The moment I received Him into my heart, my life, it is a guarantee already.

And so Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for fixing my eyes on myself, my work. Help me to fix my eyes on You, on Your plans, on Your will.

On days like these, I realize again that I cannot make it without You. Even if it may seem possible, I know I cannot live without You, and I know that I don't want to live without You.