last day of the second last week.

I'm watching the days go by, and trying to hold on to them.

one more essay and article to go. four more classes and school's out for the sem.

well. nothing much happened today. another round of debates. which was more useful cause we talked about the seasian texts and authors.

and dropped off the essays for 209. I went into prof. koh's office for like ten seconds and all I saw was books upon books. like the shelves covered the walls and there's like hardly an inch of bare white wall. I honestly think professors' offices reflect their personalities. how I wish I can have my own space like that and to decorate it any way I want to. :)

and I still laugh to myself whenever I see the Allswell advertisement. and the sequel too.

oh and yes, my uncle david is buying back rice wine from korea for me!=)haha. and my uncle donald who migrated to canada for 20 years now is coming back in nov. for another visit.

20 years is really quite a long time. once in a few years he'll come back to visit us..and sometimes it can get really awkward cause I won't know what to say. but this time round, I'm really going to pray that he will feel most welcomed and that we'll just be able to talk and fellowship without being uncomfortable=)

I wonder if there's any lit texts which talk about the feelings of asians who have migrated overseas and come back to visit their homeland and family..prob. but we haven't really read any of it yet..

hmmm. I hope to

last lecture for 209~

生日快乐!

haha. today marks officially the first year of my love-at-christmas.

and it was a long tuesday in school today as usual. and the main reason why I came to blog is because I wanted to say how much I will miss prof. koh and her lectures. I mean it's kinda weird cause it's not like I am really close to her or anything, but somehow, I just really like her. it's a strange feeling. I don't remember being so upset about other professors who have already left us. why is it that professors here are like here for one or two semesters and they'll pack up their bags and leave?

first it was prof kenneth chan, then prof quigley, and now prof. koh. and the thing is, we're just getting warmed up to the lessons! sigh.

and apparantly buddy is right. there's no privacy on the net. it's like today prof. koh was telling us how she chanced upon a student's blog and it so happens that the student was blogging about her. well.

anyway, today's 207 lesson left me feeling quite guilty and burdened. sigh. why was I staring so intently at my notes?? I guess I just don't feel comfortable as of yet to look people in the eye. I remember I used to be able to just look at others while we talk, but now I seem to be more "interested" in glancing down and fixing my eyes to the side of the faces of people who are close to me. I feel so scrutinised. and I feel like I stare too much. haha. I honestly say that I stare not because I am staring, but rather, when I am listening intently, I have this look that passes off as staring. sheez. why am I explaining myself?

haha. it's the overflow of the guilt. but no worries! I'll be guilt-free in just a while!haha. romans 8:1- there is now NO CONDEMNATION in Christ Jesus.

how I miss the way SP would teach that over and over again on sundays. kinda like how ms. aminah used to drill economic theories into our heads. but of course SP does it in a non-intimidating mode.

that's about it for my ranting. perhaps I'll edit it later. till then!

on wings like eagles~

I can't get started properly on my 223 essay, so I shall just take a break and type out what I've learnt in church yesterday=)

Being a true Disciple in the midst of Storms.

that was the topic. and I was really glad for the teaching. for the past weeks, the winds have been blowing and the waters have been rising, and it was quite dis-heartening for me.

but the word on sunday just reminded me that we just need to call on God for His peace, wisdom, and favour when storms come. and no matter how strong the storms of life are, our God is way stronger:)we just need to get our foundations right by anchoring our lives on the rock of our salvation.

2 Peter 1:3-4(He has given us EVERYTHING we need in life!)

3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.


and when SP led us into a time of praying down on our knees with our chairs as our personal altars of worship and surrender, I just knelt there and told Him that I really want so dearly to be close to Him and to have a much deeper relationship with Him.

1 Peter 5:7-( I just really clung on to this verse, and cast down all my anxieties at the foot of the cross)

7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.


I believe it's time to cross over to the other side.

Time to hold firmly onto His hands and to go through the storms.

Father, I want to know more and more about the One who holds my hand in this race that I run.

and I know, that by faith and Your grace, we will soar with You above the storms and we will rise above the floods in our lives.

Nahum 1:7-

7 The LORD is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in Him

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,
I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, You are King over the flood,
And I will be still and know You are God.

near the end~

Two or three weeks near the end of every school semester, I would always be a wreck. The time when the weeks are crammed with essays and tests is the time when I start to get crankier than usual. Lots of things just occur either simultaneously or back-to-back, which leaves me feeling highly miserable. okay, perhaps my choice of words is a little too harsh, but I really am not my best during these times. and right now, I'm stuck here in that time of year again.

I shall not blog about the times when I have been upset nor the times when I feel like throwing everything down and just do nothing.

anyway, when this time of year comes round, the lectures and tutorials get a bit unusual too. we don't really know when's our last sessions so the mood's pretty tensed and weird. like the inevitable(sharon's current fave word) end is near, but we're not quite sure when exactly it will be. and the mad rush to wrap things up is crazy really.

and I'm still quite puzzled and troubled over yesterday's 209 tutorial. I thought we were having a review, but we ended up having a debate over which fictional character should be voted "protaganist of the year". and so there were characters like sherlock holmes, mr. spock, dracula, jean grey, woody, nancy drew...I ended up choosing Velutha from the god of small things. cause the text has been in my mind ever since the school buds talked about it. but not many people in the class knew about him. anyway, I got knocked out by dracula which was represented by joseph. haha. and geraldine told me to choose another character. so I thought really hard cause my brain wasn't working, and in the end came up with brilliant Captain Jack Sparrow. Which incidentally brought me into the finals of the debate, to be up against of all characters, Barbie.

I tell you, the results came up to a draw, but in the end I myself voted for Barbie. cause you know what, she managed to link up Barbie with an argument that Barbie can lead us to utopia. haha. and how the toy is more than a toy and it represents a unification of all women throughout the world. and how it is an international icon recognised by almost everyone..and some other things which I forgot.

halfway through my debate(we had a few rounds), I couldn't think of what to say about the captain, so I just ended up saying, "well..he's captain jack sparrow, good-looking, witty, intellectual and drinks lots of rum, do I need to say more?"=)

but my final speech was,

Captain Jack Sparrow is a flawed and full-fledged character who lives his life to the fullest. Despite his supposed frivolity, he takes life seriously by daring to believe in his dreams and pursuing them to the end. He never gave up on the Pearl, and he challenges us to put aside our need to care what others think of us, and to just do what we want to do.

(well, of course it came out more strangled than this smooth flow of written words. seriously, the confrontational nature of debates just makes me stumble over my words and it gives me a headache after it all).

amanda being the debater she is, wanted to write an essay after the class against Barbie. I guess after typing it all out, the troubles are gone:)

"the smouldering streak of sunset fire"

I feel elated today.

prob. because I felt down yesterday. haha. doesn't make sense, but a girl can't stay moody for two days straight right?

so I'm back on the re-bound. and I had a glimpse of the long faded passion for literature. I can't help but sigh a happy sigh and smile my blissful smile. I guess I have found where I belong in school. in my english literature classes. I myself can't believe it until I noticed the stark contrast of how I behaved differently in my classes. I went into my public organisation tutorial having read my notes, highlighted the impt. points. and yet when I answered the qns, I had no idea whether it was right. even when the tutor said, "right, right" as usual, I didn't feel a thing. I felt like I was just plucking out words from the pages and muttering them out word for word. I kept fidgeting in my seat, like I couldn't find a comfortable spot. I never really felt I answered anything correctly in my elective classes before. even if the answers were prob. right, it just doesn't resonate with me.

and so I just tried my best, and carried on from my first class to the next. I went to ching's class, and sat down with my lit. text. I thought we were doing banville today, but it turned out that we were going through ULB. so I stood up sheepishly and wanted to scoot over to the other side of the classroom to share with someone. but the tutor caught me in the act and I had to explain why. haha. ching lent me the book on hearing my reason and somehow I read it like it was mine and I almost highlighted some lines while reading. haha. thank God I didn't.

anyway, then shereen came in and we just ended up listening to what ching had to say about the text. the class didn't have much to contribute today and there wasn't any group work so I didn't speak much. only asked what was ching's definition of "pretty good" when we asked about our essays.

and as I left to go home alone, I realised, that in my lit classes, even though at times I feel trapped in wanting to say things but I can't, even though I don't speak much, and even though I get my opinions wrong half of the time(yes, there is right and wrong in literature!), I still feel contented. because the reason why I am bothered with how I take my lit lessons is because I care. I care enough to reflect on the lessons and the thoughts I have about the texts.

and the sense of delight when our literature tutors smile and say "excellent point raised" when we answer is just amazing. when you give the right answers in lit, it just feels right somehow. I feel like I'm besotted with literature. =)

and I just realised, I never shifted at all when I attended ching's class. didn't fidget at all and felt so comfortable and at peace there even though I didn't bring my text and didn't share my points.

I'm really glad I had a wednesday like this today:) Thank You Lord for answering my prayer this morning!;)

more of days like this please!haha

Teary eyes. Blocked nose. Deep breaths.

I think I am falling ill. I just took some activad. I think the really strong drowsiness should hit me by 9. I will sleep then.

I will have to put off work.

I am contributing to the annual waste of the world in rapid use of tissue paper.

I can feel my eyelids becoming heavier.

I shall just round up what I am doing.

joys of e-learning

I just finished my first e-tutorial in uni. and it was really interesting!haha. it was real fun. at first there were some technical glitches, but after a while we just got used to the muffled sounds and echoes.

and it's really quite amusing to think of what we looked like while attending the lesson. Personally, I was sitting in my pjs(I just woke up), and having my bowl of cereal for breakfast while listening to the professor. it felt so comfortable and I was even able to jot down notes efficiently while I listened. it felt surreal that I was having school at home and being able to just glance at my surroundings without so much as any restrains.

haha. after this incident, I'll willingly support any upcoming e-tutorials! e-lectures aren't that fun cause it's just the lecturer talking on a screen and it gets a bit monotonous after a while, and the lecturer tends to speak really fast and it's almost impossible to take accurate notes(like prof. kenneth's lecture on mimicry of all things).

and now I'm quite hyped up about starting work for the day=) haha, hopefully I'll be able to finish my HA essay well by today. and so many readings to complete!!

haha. back to work then.

randomness

I absolutely love Sundays=)

haha. It's great being able to just have breakfast fellowship with cell. just sitting down there in our HQ and sharing about our past week,eating homemade food, playing games..and we celebrated adrian's birthday after service today!I cannot believe he is the same age as mr sng! I mean, as compared to mr sng, adrian looks young. like so different. and I finally managed to have lunch with them. haha, normally I'll get whisked to my grandma's place for lunch or I have to have lunch with my family(not that these are bad options). but still! it was very nice being able to eat with the rest.

the rest of the day has been pretty ordinary so far, but, I prayed during worship earlier on that the last month of this semester(excluding exams) will just be filled with excitement and joy. haha. didn't want to waste the month away in boredom and nothingness.

ooh. and grace, my mum recommends the olympus camera!heh. I'm waiting for my camera to be delivered too:)and sharon, TABOO rocks huh? try playing it in chinese, it's very amusing and very fun too;)haha, and leadersheep mates!we must arrange for more outings kay??

it looks like I'm back to using my blog as a large tagboard. oh oh, this blog is turnng ONE soon!haha, I'm so going to celebrate its birthday=)well, I hope I'll remember it.

A lazy monday afternoon.

Looking at the world through slanted eyes.

I had to apply what I learnt in devotions today. meekness in the face of sovereignty. extremely hard lesson to learn, but when you get past it, the revelation is that it's really a simple lesson.

I was just feeling frustrated about plans today as I shared with the school buddies. and as I was walking home, I just felt angry at myself for causing extra work for others, and how things don't seem to be working out. I started rambling and that was when I remembered the devotions lesson. when things are not working out, and when you don't understand why, trust that He is good and He has the answers. and I remember praying to Him once, saying that if He allows me to go, then He will provide everything for us.

and as difficult as it was, I raised my hands and just surrended the matter to Him. albeit half-heartedly, with faith the size of just a mustard seed. and I let the matter go. not even an hour after that, the good news came in. everything's settled. and I just sat there on my sofa and wondered at the simplicity of how everything fell into place. and I was like, "Lord, I'm really sorry I took so long to trust in You". sometimes, we think it extremely difficult to let go of things, and to trust in Him. But honestly, on hindsight, it is just a matter of choosing to believe in His goodness.

thank You Lord, for teaching me that and for making all these possible. You're amazing, and not just because You give good and perfect gifts, but rather because You're the most perfect Giver.=)

Even in Arcadia, there am I~

My my.

I spent two and a half hours absorbed in Tom Stoppard's Arcadia. And it left me reeling with information and trying my best to make sense of it all. My curiosity even prompted me to sit down with my two Nortons and hastily searching for any information I could find on Lord Byron and Coleridge. all at a time of close to quarter to midnight. which strikes a chord now as I remember how the lessons played out in the play end at quarter to twelve.

anyway, even after reading Norton and re-searching on the net about the play, I sense I am no closer to understanding the genius of Stoppard's work. Brilliant stage effects. Absolutely fantastic doubling in the play. and what interesting debates between science and literature. even though I couldn't quite comprehend all the mathematical and historical information given, but it was just fascinating to see all come together. people of the past coming in, people of the present going out. all through the same doors, meeting all in the same room, same house. Separated only by fictional time and imagination. The objects on the table-a collection of the blurring of the past and present.

I highly recommend this read. In one setting. Even though I don't fully grasp the text, but just being able to soak it in is amazing in itself. The character of Thomasina is by far my fave. The wit and manipulative ways of Septimus is quite amusing too. and that last scene of them dancing a waltz? Dazzling.

haha. I realise that this post is my way of trying to come to terms with the play. well. I hope it's interesting enough to prompt people into wanting to read it. it is truly overwhelming in the best way possible. If done right, the play would be an absolute hit. But just the written play itself with the imagery of the mind is magnificent enough already.

I just love being able to go online and listen to those old old songs. Classics are fantastic=D

the weekend's almost over. I don't really feel like doing much. I guess it's the after-effects of slaving over a make-it-or-break-it lit essay for the past weeks.I felt like I was posting a letter when I dropped my essay into the box at the office. I had to tip-toe to slide my essay in. haha, small detail, but I felt something which I can't quite describe.

anyway, I had the most horrible stomachache today. just bad. I had to cope with it all the way from sengkang to church, and I really wanted to attend hop, but I couldn't get out of the washroom. sheez. just bad. it was like the first time I saw my face pale. haha.

well, I'm glad it's over. oh, and I'm going to read Tom Stoppard's Arcadia later! haha, so exciting=) perhaps I'll post a review of the play tmr.

the new season of House MD is out! struggling to keep up with it. but oh well, it's still fascinating.

and grace, I have the vcds of the previous seasons.

yup. short post.