"the smouldering streak of sunset fire"

I feel elated today.

prob. because I felt down yesterday. haha. doesn't make sense, but a girl can't stay moody for two days straight right?

so I'm back on the re-bound. and I had a glimpse of the long faded passion for literature. I can't help but sigh a happy sigh and smile my blissful smile. I guess I have found where I belong in school. in my english literature classes. I myself can't believe it until I noticed the stark contrast of how I behaved differently in my classes. I went into my public organisation tutorial having read my notes, highlighted the impt. points. and yet when I answered the qns, I had no idea whether it was right. even when the tutor said, "right, right" as usual, I didn't feel a thing. I felt like I was just plucking out words from the pages and muttering them out word for word. I kept fidgeting in my seat, like I couldn't find a comfortable spot. I never really felt I answered anything correctly in my elective classes before. even if the answers were prob. right, it just doesn't resonate with me.

and so I just tried my best, and carried on from my first class to the next. I went to ching's class, and sat down with my lit. text. I thought we were doing banville today, but it turned out that we were going through ULB. so I stood up sheepishly and wanted to scoot over to the other side of the classroom to share with someone. but the tutor caught me in the act and I had to explain why. haha. ching lent me the book on hearing my reason and somehow I read it like it was mine and I almost highlighted some lines while reading. haha. thank God I didn't.

anyway, then shereen came in and we just ended up listening to what ching had to say about the text. the class didn't have much to contribute today and there wasn't any group work so I didn't speak much. only asked what was ching's definition of "pretty good" when we asked about our essays.

and as I left to go home alone, I realised, that in my lit classes, even though at times I feel trapped in wanting to say things but I can't, even though I don't speak much, and even though I get my opinions wrong half of the time(yes, there is right and wrong in literature!), I still feel contented. because the reason why I am bothered with how I take my lit lessons is because I care. I care enough to reflect on the lessons and the thoughts I have about the texts.

and the sense of delight when our literature tutors smile and say "excellent point raised" when we answer is just amazing. when you give the right answers in lit, it just feels right somehow. I feel like I'm besotted with literature. =)

and I just realised, I never shifted at all when I attended ching's class. didn't fidget at all and felt so comfortable and at peace there even though I didn't bring my text and didn't share my points.

I'm really glad I had a wednesday like this today:) Thank You Lord for answering my prayer this morning!;)

more of days like this please!haha