walk with me~

I've hit 100 posts in this blog of mine! haha, unofficially of course. that's because there's like so many drafts for personal viewing only. haha.

anyway. it's hard at this stage in my life to not go all emo and to feel down once in a while. haha, maybe these few months I've been emo-ing more. I suppose it's because at this point, I see things clearer now and yes, God has been showing more things to me from His perspective. and it's like I've always been seeing things from my perspective, and when I see how narrow my perspective has been and how self-centred I've been for the past few years, I just felt a little down. it's like He's telling me to let go, but I've been refusing and trying to cling harder to things and people, depending and relying on them for too long and for too much.

I'm a people-person by nature and when everyone around me seems to be slipping away, and I don't feel close to them anymore, that's when I start being upset. but I'm also very clear of one point. It is when I realise that God is the only one I have, that I know that He is the only one I need and want.

as cliche as it sounds, it is really one truth I believe in. and I remember reading once about hearing God's music in life. It is when the noises of your family, your friends, everyone else's fade away, that you can hear and listen to God's music the most clearly. As I sat in the train today, I had my earphones plugged into my ears, and I just sat there in my own world listening to my music. when the song, "Come, Now is the time to worship" came on, I just couldn't help but smile even though I was supposed to be sleeping, or trying to.

Indeed, now is the time for worship.

I still find it difficult to let go completely, but I know He's helping me to. I'm still learning to hand over the reins to Him, to let Him be the one holding my life together. and I'm still trying to depend solely on Jesus for His joy in my life, that one day I will not have to have the happiness that depends on happenings, but to have the joy that depends on Jesus.

and I know ever more clearly now His promise that He will never leave me nor forsake me.

one day Lord, there will come one day where all I can think about, all I can speak about will be You. but for now, just let me worship you with my lips and my life. may You continue to hold my hand and walk with me, walk with me back home.