can we not let go?

I folded paper hearts with the bus tickets today. and it felt nostalgic. I remembered how I used to be so good at folding those hearts,but today the paper just didn't co-operate. the hearts ended up lopsided. and my fingers felt clumsy as I folded the tickets and it felt off. like I wasn't doing it right.

I kept the hearts in my wallet anyway.

over the past few days, I have typed many many posts, but not even one managed to be posted up. I don't know why, but it just happens.

there was one draft on my driving lesson. another on nostalgia, feelings I had after seeing our old photos in yj. another post on songs. and now this.

I miss the times where we could just sit together and talk and laugh over nonsensical stuff. I miss those times where it was just us. over the months, other things and people came into our lives, many came and went, some stayed. and I guess it happens. I know we won't leave one another, I know our friendship is here to stay. but I guess something feels like it's lost? a part of me knows this is natural and expected.yet, I cannot seem to be able to accept it fully.

it's times like this that I wonder if the optimism we have held all throughout the years going to see us through? at first some of us were pessimistic, then as we grew closer, we had more confidence and greater assurance that we're going to last for the long-haul. now as even more time lapses, and as we all have our individual paths, it takes more to hold on to what seems to be already slipping away. that closeness seems like a thing of the past. at times, it feels like it's the same, nothing much has changed, but at other times, the stark difference hits me and I end up tearing.

again, perhaps I'm being too emotional and sensitive. but I guess I'm learning how to handle it better these days.

I wanted to type this post for a very long time now. I just wasn't prepared to type the feelings down till now.

Hold all things loosely, but hold on to Christ with all that you have.

I've heard this line before but I've never understood it. I guess I do now.