Our island is becoming increasingly international. I was having lunch with my mum on friday, and as were were conversing in chinese and english, I heard distinctly two other languages being spoken next to us. On our left, a group of Japanese ladies, and on our right, a Korean couple. It was interesting cause those are the two other languages that I've been wanting to learn.
Anyway, so in the end I post-poned the dinner with Charlene, as I didn't feel very well. had HOP this morning, and I enjoyed how we talked about various issues in the news, and prayed over NTU, and interceded for the other nations. haha, I am more motivated now to read the news and to have the wisdom of God!:)Knowledge is after all another skill for communication;)
travelled down to 313 @ Somerset to purchase a top. wanted to just zoom staight for the blue top and scram out of town. ended up browsing around cause I couldn't find my blue top. tried on a grey top that turned out too long, and randomly bought a pink shirt.
I have found my fave female tennis player! Justine Henin:D
okay, back to the Australian Open Finals. Live!
Jia you Henin!;)
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The girls and I went to play tennis at the yck courts today! It's a huge thanksgiving because as I was telling them, it has been a dream of mine since our jc days. I think I kinda stressed myself a bit while playing. haha, wanted to keep the energy going. but! I really enjoyed myself, and the girls were awesome fun:D
I wonder how the Aust. Open went. I shall go check out the results now. okay, so Murray did win. hmmm...now, all that remains is for Federer to win the Australian Open.
I wonder how the Aust. Open went. I shall go check out the results now. okay, so Murray did win. hmmm...now, all that remains is for Federer to win the Australian Open.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
It's a matter of the heart
There are some things that my hands remember when my mind does not.
Yesterday's HOP retreat went well:) Praise God! I went to church early in the morning at 9 for Pastor Steve C.'s "Understanding Buddhism" seminar, and can I just say how enriching the seminar was? God really used him to open our eyes to so many new revelations. I've learned so many interesting facts about Buddhism, that I just cannot wait to ask sharon about them:) Let's talk about your faith soon dear!haha
So we finished the seminar at about 4pm, and I joined Jen and Judith for the youth service. felt old sitting there, but still, I felt comfortable. It was great to have some really loud and fast worship songs once in a while. haha, and it was good hearing Michelle speak about prayer and healing. She really reminds me of her.
And as we proceeded to dinner and games for the HOP retreat, Nicole was just saying how it's good for us the older ones to participate in the lively and energy-consuming games of the youths. So we played electricity, whacko, charades and lots more..haha, it was really tiring, but very very fun:D
We had an enlightening discussion on the Great Commission during the prayer workshop led by Jeslyn. and we were just sharing what matthew 28:18-20 means to us personally. I shared of how I felt like God was asking me if I am ready to "make disciples". It's one thing to bring your friend to church, but it's really a whole new level to help them become disciples of Jesus. But that's why it's a good challenge to all of us. I believe God will help us to be willing and able to do what He wants:)
In the end, we had Macs for supper, and I slept for less than four hours, while some of the Hopers slept for less than two. haha, our eyes were like slits in the morning.
It was amusing because though I was asleep, I caught bits and pieces of conversations in the room. So it was during one of those in-out state of dreaming that I overheard this conversation:
"Sometimes you can find a person with all the qualities you like, but he ends up not being the right one..."
...slipped back into sub-conscious mode...
and woke up slightly to hear,
"...but sometimes the same qualities can be expressed or displayed differently in different people."
It was just a snippet of the conversation, but as I fell back into sleep, I remembered nodding my head slightly to agree with the two seemingly random statements.
turned out that the team continued the game of truth or truth, and everyone had a chance to "confess" about the same topic. and conversations after that were of the same issue. it was interesting because we are all of slightly different ages, and as they talked(I listened) about their personal feelings, I just felt very glad that all of us(including Shu Hui and I who were half-asleep) ended on the same conclusion. in the words of Amos, "We don't want to limit what God has in store for us, and whatever His will is, that is what we want." :)
It is not out of duty, or obligation that we desire His will for our lives, it is more of coming to a point in life where we just believe and know whole-heartedly that His plans are really the best plans for us.
--
Oh, one more thing, I am really thankful that my mum just shared with me how she learnt so much from today's sermon. Today's message was about the power in the name of Jesus. And she felt so encouraged by the message and she shared of how God really spoke to her about various aspects about her walk with Him. Praise Jesus!:D
Alright, I shall go back to my resume. It's tough writing a resume. Chinatown with the girls tomorrow!
Lord Jesus, be lifted up in our lives now and forevermore.
Yesterday's HOP retreat went well:) Praise God! I went to church early in the morning at 9 for Pastor Steve C.'s "Understanding Buddhism" seminar, and can I just say how enriching the seminar was? God really used him to open our eyes to so many new revelations. I've learned so many interesting facts about Buddhism, that I just cannot wait to ask sharon about them:) Let's talk about your faith soon dear!haha
So we finished the seminar at about 4pm, and I joined Jen and Judith for the youth service. felt old sitting there, but still, I felt comfortable. It was great to have some really loud and fast worship songs once in a while. haha, and it was good hearing Michelle speak about prayer and healing. She really reminds me of her.
And as we proceeded to dinner and games for the HOP retreat, Nicole was just saying how it's good for us the older ones to participate in the lively and energy-consuming games of the youths. So we played electricity, whacko, charades and lots more..haha, it was really tiring, but very very fun:D
We had an enlightening discussion on the Great Commission during the prayer workshop led by Jeslyn. and we were just sharing what matthew 28:18-20 means to us personally. I shared of how I felt like God was asking me if I am ready to "make disciples". It's one thing to bring your friend to church, but it's really a whole new level to help them become disciples of Jesus. But that's why it's a good challenge to all of us. I believe God will help us to be willing and able to do what He wants:)
In the end, we had Macs for supper, and I slept for less than four hours, while some of the Hopers slept for less than two. haha, our eyes were like slits in the morning.
It was amusing because though I was asleep, I caught bits and pieces of conversations in the room. So it was during one of those in-out state of dreaming that I overheard this conversation:
"Sometimes you can find a person with all the qualities you like, but he ends up not being the right one..."
...slipped back into sub-conscious mode...
and woke up slightly to hear,
"...but sometimes the same qualities can be expressed or displayed differently in different people."
It was just a snippet of the conversation, but as I fell back into sleep, I remembered nodding my head slightly to agree with the two seemingly random statements.
turned out that the team continued the game of truth or truth, and everyone had a chance to "confess" about the same topic. and conversations after that were of the same issue. it was interesting because we are all of slightly different ages, and as they talked(I listened) about their personal feelings, I just felt very glad that all of us(including Shu Hui and I who were half-asleep) ended on the same conclusion. in the words of Amos, "We don't want to limit what God has in store for us, and whatever His will is, that is what we want." :)
It is not out of duty, or obligation that we desire His will for our lives, it is more of coming to a point in life where we just believe and know whole-heartedly that His plans are really the best plans for us.
--
Oh, one more thing, I am really thankful that my mum just shared with me how she learnt so much from today's sermon. Today's message was about the power in the name of Jesus. And she felt so encouraged by the message and she shared of how God really spoke to her about various aspects about her walk with Him. Praise Jesus!:D
Alright, I shall go back to my resume. It's tough writing a resume. Chinatown with the girls tomorrow!
Lord Jesus, be lifted up in our lives now and forevermore.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Pre-leaving
I have an hour more to go before meeting the girls:) And it's raining really heavily now, BUT! I believe everything will be fine later.
I've not been up to anything for these few days. Just resting at home, going out with the same few people(haha, I have very few friends), and trying to learn some korean.
It is Yiwen's 22nd birthday tmr, and I am once again reminded of how we are really growing up/older. To me, age is still just a number. But sometimes, you just have to admit that time really does make a difference. I'm never a person to look back and wish that I can re-live the past again. To me, the present is always the best time to live my life.
I was just mapping out the years ahead for Sharon and I really do think the next few years ahead will be significant and will pass by quickly. The many milestone events ought to give the illusion of accelerated time.
The pace in life has really slowed down to a crawl now. But I am still very grateful for the school-less days. ooh..this weekend will be pretty busy and exciting. HOP(House of Prayer) Retreat! haha, we're having a sleepover in church:D can't wait to tell the others that my personality type is the artist! haha, why am I so proud of this minor fact??:( I find it extremely amusing that Sharon is a nurturer. BUT! it's awesome isn't it? This way, the students she teaches will be nurtured for good:D I'm thankful for you Sharon!
and...Carol's an idealist! I wanted to be an idealist. but oh well..I guess I'm just born to be artistic:P anyway, I wonder what type of personality Grace has. Will go ask her to take the test. haha, I hope you are feeling better dear! I heard from Sharon that you stumbled upon this blog just like she did. So yes, now I have two readers?:)
I've not been up to anything for these few days. Just resting at home, going out with the same few people(haha, I have very few friends), and trying to learn some korean.
It is Yiwen's 22nd birthday tmr, and I am once again reminded of how we are really growing up/older. To me, age is still just a number. But sometimes, you just have to admit that time really does make a difference. I'm never a person to look back and wish that I can re-live the past again. To me, the present is always the best time to live my life.
I was just mapping out the years ahead for Sharon and I really do think the next few years ahead will be significant and will pass by quickly. The many milestone events ought to give the illusion of accelerated time.
The pace in life has really slowed down to a crawl now. But I am still very grateful for the school-less days. ooh..this weekend will be pretty busy and exciting. HOP(House of Prayer) Retreat! haha, we're having a sleepover in church:D can't wait to tell the others that my personality type is the artist! haha, why am I so proud of this minor fact??:( I find it extremely amusing that Sharon is a nurturer. BUT! it's awesome isn't it? This way, the students she teaches will be nurtured for good:D I'm thankful for you Sharon!
and...Carol's an idealist! I wanted to be an idealist. but oh well..I guess I'm just born to be artistic:P anyway, I wonder what type of personality Grace has. Will go ask her to take the test. haha, I hope you are feeling better dear! I heard from Sharon that you stumbled upon this blog just like she did. So yes, now I have two readers?:)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Too close for comfort
Saturday was really a night of revelations. I firmly believe now that the more time you spend together with someone, the more you will know that someone. So it was with slight hesitation that I went with my family to the bbq. Apparently the theme for the night was alcohol. So the food was marinated and spiked with VSOP, Vodka, Tequila and Beer. Well, at least the food was good:0 And I realized Asahi Beer is the only beer that I can finish a whole can of.
anyway, we ate a bit, and the group split into two, the parents at one table, while the younger ones gathered at another table. So as we talked, and as I observed, I was able to pick up quite a lot from the mannerisms and the words of the rest. On hindsight, and even during the bbq, I was already thanking God for revealing so much to me. I felt a sense of relief when I knew he wasn't the right person.
I am very glad to say that I'm back on the right track, no more swaying for me! After the incident, I am all the more assured that I am not a person who can be distracted for long. And Thank God for BBTC. I love my church:D I felt so joyful and so very very glad I could stand in corporate worship today and the message was simple but very meaningful. There is always hope for the hopeless. And we believe not in hope itself, but rather, in our God of hope.
I was just sharing with my mum about how I feel when we return from Korea, everything that we know now might be changed in irrevocable ways. And she told me that not all change is bad, I agreed. I am right now looking forward to the changes, and very much ready to move on:)
Jesus, You must be lifted up. You must increase, and we decrease. Above all else, You must be the person we love the most. Nothing can compare to You, for everything falls short. So Lord, fill us with Your hope, and let us be delivered from all our fears and hopelessness. You are holy, therefore, let us be holy. 1 Peter 1:16
anyway, we ate a bit, and the group split into two, the parents at one table, while the younger ones gathered at another table. So as we talked, and as I observed, I was able to pick up quite a lot from the mannerisms and the words of the rest. On hindsight, and even during the bbq, I was already thanking God for revealing so much to me. I felt a sense of relief when I knew he wasn't the right person.
I am very glad to say that I'm back on the right track, no more swaying for me! After the incident, I am all the more assured that I am not a person who can be distracted for long. And Thank God for BBTC. I love my church:D I felt so joyful and so very very glad I could stand in corporate worship today and the message was simple but very meaningful. There is always hope for the hopeless. And we believe not in hope itself, but rather, in our God of hope.
I was just sharing with my mum about how I feel when we return from Korea, everything that we know now might be changed in irrevocable ways. And she told me that not all change is bad, I agreed. I am right now looking forward to the changes, and very much ready to move on:)
Jesus, You must be lifted up. You must increase, and we decrease. Above all else, You must be the person we love the most. Nothing can compare to You, for everything falls short. So Lord, fill us with Your hope, and let us be delivered from all our fears and hopelessness. You are holy, therefore, let us be holy. 1 Peter 1:16
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Why?
I think the only way for me to understand is in the light of faith. I mean if I think about it, didn't Jesus do the same for us? I didn't know Him until I was in sec three...and in those first few weeks of new-found belief, and slightly before that, I have already learnt and experienced the self-sacrificial and all-encompassing love of God. And even now, the blessings and favor of God are things I cannot even begin to comprehend. How can the Lord Almighty, the Creator of Heaven, Earth, and Life love me of all people, so deeply? Who am I that He has taken the time and effort to reach out to me? Who am I that He gave His only beloved son, His perfect son to die for me? I really don't know anything except that I don't deserve any of this love. But He reminds me that this is the beauty of Grace. Grace is something given to us when we don't deserve it, Grace cannot be earned.
God will not love me less or more by anything I can do or say. He will not love me more if I go on the treadmill at least three times a week. He will not love me less if I ultimately wake up late and skip the exercise. He will not love me more if I receive all As and A+s in school(Sure, He will be joyful along with me, but He won't suddenly become more proud of me as His child). He will not love me less if my grades slip a little(He will definitely not compare me with others, or even to the past grades I have gotten).
He knows every single thing that has happened and will happen in my life, and yet He still chose to send His son to the cross. Why? Simply because He is God and God is Love. He didn't want us to bear the punishment for our wrong-doings, He is a just God, and hence He gave up His son so that Jesus can pay the price for us.
Salvation is always depicted as a free gift. But you know what? It's only free for US(Us, not United States of America;)). God had to pay the price, a tremendous price. And Jesus had to bear the cost. The cost of sin, in order that we might have freedom.
And this is precisely the reason why we evangelize. I mean we can receive this gift and be joyful on our own. Why the extra need to go out and tell people about Jesus right? And end up being rejected 9 out of 10 times...It's awkward at times to ask my close friends to church, it is painful even when they try to give a a reason why they don't feel like coming to church. But I still want to try. Because of love. You may not believe in it, but because I believe in it, I have to do whatever it takes to tell you about it. And if Jesus can put up with the scornings of the people who He has created, if He can endure the whippings those soldiers gave Him, then I think He will help me to deal with the small set-backs in my life.
I pray that one day, all who know me, will be able to see me for who I really am. Nowadays, whenever I go to church, I can't help but think how wonderful it will be if my loved ones can experience this joy with me. In any case, I will keep on believing.
We cry out Your name, our God of Grace.
God will not love me less or more by anything I can do or say. He will not love me more if I go on the treadmill at least three times a week. He will not love me less if I ultimately wake up late and skip the exercise. He will not love me more if I receive all As and A+s in school(Sure, He will be joyful along with me, but He won't suddenly become more proud of me as His child). He will not love me less if my grades slip a little(He will definitely not compare me with others, or even to the past grades I have gotten).
He knows every single thing that has happened and will happen in my life, and yet He still chose to send His son to the cross. Why? Simply because He is God and God is Love. He didn't want us to bear the punishment for our wrong-doings, He is a just God, and hence He gave up His son so that Jesus can pay the price for us.
Salvation is always depicted as a free gift. But you know what? It's only free for US(Us, not United States of America;)). God had to pay the price, a tremendous price. And Jesus had to bear the cost. The cost of sin, in order that we might have freedom.
And this is precisely the reason why we evangelize. I mean we can receive this gift and be joyful on our own. Why the extra need to go out and tell people about Jesus right? And end up being rejected 9 out of 10 times...It's awkward at times to ask my close friends to church, it is painful even when they try to give a a reason why they don't feel like coming to church. But I still want to try. Because of love. You may not believe in it, but because I believe in it, I have to do whatever it takes to tell you about it. And if Jesus can put up with the scornings of the people who He has created, if He can endure the whippings those soldiers gave Him, then I think He will help me to deal with the small set-backs in my life.
I pray that one day, all who know me, will be able to see me for who I really am. Nowadays, whenever I go to church, I can't help but think how wonderful it will be if my loved ones can experience this joy with me. In any case, I will keep on believing.
We cry out Your name, our God of Grace.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Lessons on the T941
I woke up at 8am this morning to go on the treadmill. Crazy yeah.
Anyway, I played a hillsongs cd, and just ran on the treadmill while listening to the worship songs. Halfway through the run, I wanted to stop after 20mins, but I kept reminding myself that I have to make it past 30 mins, cause that's when fats are officially being burned. anyway, I realized that running auto-pilot doesn't work for me, meaning that I can't keep my mind blank, cause it's actually more tiring for me. haha. so what works the best for me is to just reflect and think about a lot of things. I ended up having a prayer walk/run on the treadmill.
I learnt that being on the treadmill is a lot like faith. It's super hard to get myself motivated to go on the treadmill at times, and it seems so daunting. but the moment I start walking, I realize it's not so bad afterall, and I'm being healthy! haha, also, sometimes when I get really tired, and the perspiration starts to pour down my face, I'll be thinking to myself how hard running is. And it's like how we run this race called our lives, and at times, it's really tough. But just like how I keep reminding myself about the satisfaction I'll get when I reach for the cold can of 100 plus at the end of the run, so will we be completely contented, and rewarded when we go to heaven:)
also, this really funny thing happened on the treadmill. I was just holding the bars to get a reading of my heartbeat, and it was steadily increasing from 70 plus beats to 80 plus. then a random thought of him flitted across my mind, and the heartbeat rate shot up to 110 plus. and I was like what?? You mean the whole nonsense about your heart racing when you think of someone can actually be true?? the most amusing thing was when I began to next think of His love for me, the heartbeat rate rose dramatically to 130 plus! haha, so my conclusion was,
I may like him, but I love You more:)
haha. Interesting no?
So, I will receive whatever You have planned for me, and I will do so with joy and peace in my heart.
It's not wrong to like your qualities, but if it's just your qualities, and not your person also, then am I being superficial? But your qualities make you who you are right?
Anyway, I played a hillsongs cd, and just ran on the treadmill while listening to the worship songs. Halfway through the run, I wanted to stop after 20mins, but I kept reminding myself that I have to make it past 30 mins, cause that's when fats are officially being burned. anyway, I realized that running auto-pilot doesn't work for me, meaning that I can't keep my mind blank, cause it's actually more tiring for me. haha. so what works the best for me is to just reflect and think about a lot of things. I ended up having a prayer walk/run on the treadmill.
I learnt that being on the treadmill is a lot like faith. It's super hard to get myself motivated to go on the treadmill at times, and it seems so daunting. but the moment I start walking, I realize it's not so bad afterall, and I'm being healthy! haha, also, sometimes when I get really tired, and the perspiration starts to pour down my face, I'll be thinking to myself how hard running is. And it's like how we run this race called our lives, and at times, it's really tough. But just like how I keep reminding myself about the satisfaction I'll get when I reach for the cold can of 100 plus at the end of the run, so will we be completely contented, and rewarded when we go to heaven:)
also, this really funny thing happened on the treadmill. I was just holding the bars to get a reading of my heartbeat, and it was steadily increasing from 70 plus beats to 80 plus. then a random thought of him flitted across my mind, and the heartbeat rate shot up to 110 plus. and I was like what?? You mean the whole nonsense about your heart racing when you think of someone can actually be true?? the most amusing thing was when I began to next think of His love for me, the heartbeat rate rose dramatically to 130 plus! haha, so my conclusion was,
I may like him, but I love You more:)
haha. Interesting no?
So, I will receive whatever You have planned for me, and I will do so with joy and peace in my heart.
It's not wrong to like your qualities, but if it's just your qualities, and not your person also, then am I being superficial? But your qualities make you who you are right?
Monday, January 11, 2010
Jean isn't Jean if __________
I hope the answer is "if she does not have Jesus".
It was just a random thought, as the person cooking noodles at j8 asked me if I am a local after a short conversation. So I walked home after that and I was just thinking if it's because my chinese sounds different or because I am just too dark. then the next thing that came into my mind was well..I won't be me if I am not dark. Which led me to think of this constant hope that my life and person will be defined by the presence of God. That when people think or talk about me, they will think and talk about Jesus:D
haha. What characterizes your life or your person?:) I think this is a very personal but significant question to ask and to answer.
in any case, we settled the dorm fees today, and we are hoping that at the end of everything, we won't need to pay too much money. I believe we can do it! Live simply and happily without being too concerned about money issues:) I feel excited thinking about how we the school buds will draw closer to each other during the exchange!
and we met Charlene today at amk! I was so glad to see her:D Thank God! As fashionable as ever, but a little tired looking to me (must be due to the recent A Levels). But, she still has that aggressive way of hugging. haha, weird choice of word, but yeah, I still love the hugs she gives:) am making plans to meet her and lynard for lunch next week. hope that will turn out well! I just realized she is 20 this year, and we are 22 now.
I know a lot will change this year, and though I am a little hesitant, I do want to learn to embrace all the exciting plans He has in store for us:)
called the cryptic one just now, and I was telling her how I believe we are not the type of people who will run away when she wants to share. rather, we are the ones who will buy a nice cup of coffee and listen to all she has to say. so whenever she's ready.
on a last note,we ended off service last sunday with this worship song, "Be Magnified, O Lord", and I was just struck by how the lyrics reflected everything in my heart.
I have made You too small in my eyes
O Lord, forgive me;
I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me.But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes and with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.
CHORUS:
Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing You can't do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.
Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing You can't do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.
I have leaned on the wisdom of men
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.
I have been troubled over a couple of issues. well, mainly about the korean language learning issue, and my subtle need for people's approval. So as I was just waiting for Sharon at the mrt station,I still did not experience the peace of God about the two issues. I was just too concerned about what I felt, and what I thought. I closed my eyes, listened to the music, and just prayed, and prayed.
Now, as I sit here, I feel like a burden has just been lifted off of me. I am able to see clear answers on what to do about the two issues. it will take a while more to test out whether the second issue is completely resolved, but I am just glad that I don't have to be anxious anymore. because the word of God says in phil 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
And also, jeremiah 29:11 says, 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'.
So, I am not going to place God in a box of my own, and think that He is unable to bless and provide for me. I believe with God, everything is possible:)
Lord, let my heart desire what You desire for me, and let me turn away from what is wrong in Your eyes. Amen.
It was just a random thought, as the person cooking noodles at j8 asked me if I am a local after a short conversation. So I walked home after that and I was just thinking if it's because my chinese sounds different or because I am just too dark. then the next thing that came into my mind was well..I won't be me if I am not dark. Which led me to think of this constant hope that my life and person will be defined by the presence of God. That when people think or talk about me, they will think and talk about Jesus:D
haha. What characterizes your life or your person?:) I think this is a very personal but significant question to ask and to answer.
in any case, we settled the dorm fees today, and we are hoping that at the end of everything, we won't need to pay too much money. I believe we can do it! Live simply and happily without being too concerned about money issues:) I feel excited thinking about how we the school buds will draw closer to each other during the exchange!
and we met Charlene today at amk! I was so glad to see her:D Thank God! As fashionable as ever, but a little tired looking to me (must be due to the recent A Levels). But, she still has that aggressive way of hugging. haha, weird choice of word, but yeah, I still love the hugs she gives:) am making plans to meet her and lynard for lunch next week. hope that will turn out well! I just realized she is 20 this year, and we are 22 now.
I know a lot will change this year, and though I am a little hesitant, I do want to learn to embrace all the exciting plans He has in store for us:)
called the cryptic one just now, and I was telling her how I believe we are not the type of people who will run away when she wants to share. rather, we are the ones who will buy a nice cup of coffee and listen to all she has to say. so whenever she's ready.
on a last note,we ended off service last sunday with this worship song, "Be Magnified, O Lord", and I was just struck by how the lyrics reflected everything in my heart.
I have made You too small in my eyes
O Lord, forgive me;
I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me.But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes and with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.
CHORUS:
Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing You can't do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.
Be magnified, O Lord
You are highly exalted;
And there is nothing You can't do
O Lord, my eyes are on You.
Be magnified,
O Lord, be magnified.
I have leaned on the wisdom of men
O Lord, forgive me;
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy.
But now, O Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong;
And in my eyes with my song
O Lord, be magnified
O Lord, be magnified.
I have been troubled over a couple of issues. well, mainly about the korean language learning issue, and my subtle need for people's approval. So as I was just waiting for Sharon at the mrt station,I still did not experience the peace of God about the two issues. I was just too concerned about what I felt, and what I thought. I closed my eyes, listened to the music, and just prayed, and prayed.
Now, as I sit here, I feel like a burden has just been lifted off of me. I am able to see clear answers on what to do about the two issues. it will take a while more to test out whether the second issue is completely resolved, but I am just glad that I don't have to be anxious anymore. because the word of God says in phil 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
And also, jeremiah 29:11 says, 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'.
So, I am not going to place God in a box of my own, and think that He is unable to bless and provide for me. I believe with God, everything is possible:)
Lord, let my heart desire what You desire for me, and let me turn away from what is wrong in Your eyes. Amen.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
All is not Lost
We read the following poem in Contemporary Literature once. I was impressed then, but as I read the words again this afternoon, I felt almost awe-struck. There's this simple brilliance to the emotions captured in the poem, and I felt like I had a closer glimpse into the depth of the words.
The poem is really beautiful. Trust me, I can never do poetry, and it takes a lot to make me understand or appreciate poetry. But throughout the years, I have clung on to one basic belief, and that is, if the poem touches your heart, then it is good poetry. You may not know a single thing about the rhyme scheme, the rhythm, even the message of the poem, but if the words on the page move you enough to inspire you, then poetry has achieved its purpose.
And this afternoon, Galway Kinnell did that for me.
I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and happy in this world, I do not know what will happen in the future, but what matters is the present. What matters is now. We will all fade away someday, but for now, let us enjoy living our lives to the fullest, to the best that we can. :)
That is a simplistic re-working of one of the many messages in the poem.
All that can be said is already written down exceptionally in the poem, I cannot say more.
Little Sleep's-Head Sprouting Hair in the Moonlight
1
You scream, waking from a nightmare.
When I sleepwalk
into your room, and pick you up,
and hold you up in the moonlight, you cling to me
hard,
as if clinging could save us. I think
you think
I will never die, I think I exude
to you the permanence of smoke or stars,
even as
my broken arms heal themselves around you.
2
I have heard you tell
the sun, don't go down, I have stood by
as you told the flower, don't grow old,
don't die. Little Maud,
I would blow the flame out of your silver cup,
I would suck the rot from your fingernail,
I would brush your sprouting hair of the dying light,
I would scrape the rust off your ivory bones,
I would help death escape through the little ribs of your body,
I would alchemize the ashes of your cradle back into wood,
I would let nothing of you go, ever,
until washerwomen
feel the clothes fall asleep in their hands,
and hens scratch their spell across hatchet blades,
and rats walk away from the cultures of the plague,
and iron twists weapons toward the true north,
and grease refuses to slide in the machinery of progress,
and men feel as free on earth as fleas on the bodies of men,
and lovers no longer whisper to the presence beside them in the
dark, O corpse-to-be ...
And yet perhaps this is the reason you cry,
this the nightmare you wake screaming from:
being forever
in the pre-trembling of a house that falls.
3
In a restaurant once, everyone
quietly eating, you clambered up
on my lap: to all
the mouthfuls rising toward
all the mouths, at the top of your voice
you cried
your one word, caca! caca! caca!
and each spoonful
stopped, a moment, in midair, in its withering
steam.
Yes,
you cling because
I, like you, only sooner
than you, will go down
the path of vanished alphabets,
the roadlessness
to the other side of the darkness,
your arms
like the shoes left behind,
like the adjectives in the halting speech
of old men,
which once could call up the lost nouns.
4
And you yourself,
some impossible Tuesday
in the year Two Thousand and Nine, will walk out
among the black stones
of the field, in the rain,
and the stones saying
over their one word, ci-gît, ci-gît, ci-gît,
and the raindrops
hitting you on the fontanel
over and over, and you standing there
unable to let them in.
5
If one day it happens
you find yourself with someone you love
in a café at one end
of the Pont Mirabeau, at the zinc bar
where white wine stands in upward opening glasses,
and if you commit then, as we did, the error
of thinking,
one day all this will only be memory,
learn,
as you stand
at this end of the bridge which arcs,
from love, you think, into enduring love,
learn to reach deeper
into the sorrows
to come – to touch
the almost imaginary bones
under the face, to hear under the laughter
the wind crying across the black stones. Kiss
the mouth
which tells you, here,
here is the world. This mouth. This laughter. These temple bones.
The still undanced cadence of vanishing.
6
In the light the moon
sends back, I can see in your eyes
the hand that waved once
in my father's eyes, a tiny kite
wobbling far up in the twilight of his last look:
and the angel
of all mortal things lets go the string.
7
Back you go, into your crib.
The last blackbird lights up his gold wings: farewell.
Your eyes close inside your head,
in sleep. Already
in your dreams the hours begin to sing.
Little sleep's-head sprouting hair in the moonlight,
when I come back
we will go out together,
we will walk out together among
the ten thousand things,
each scratched too late with such knowledge, the wages
of dying is love.
from The Book of Nightmares by Galway Kinnell
Copyright © by Galway Kinnell
This is Art at its best.
The poem is really beautiful. Trust me, I can never do poetry, and it takes a lot to make me understand or appreciate poetry. But throughout the years, I have clung on to one basic belief, and that is, if the poem touches your heart, then it is good poetry. You may not know a single thing about the rhyme scheme, the rhythm, even the message of the poem, but if the words on the page move you enough to inspire you, then poetry has achieved its purpose.
And this afternoon, Galway Kinnell did that for me.
I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe and happy in this world, I do not know what will happen in the future, but what matters is the present. What matters is now. We will all fade away someday, but for now, let us enjoy living our lives to the fullest, to the best that we can. :)
That is a simplistic re-working of one of the many messages in the poem.
All that can be said is already written down exceptionally in the poem, I cannot say more.
Little Sleep's-Head Sprouting Hair in the Moonlight
1
You scream, waking from a nightmare.
When I sleepwalk
into your room, and pick you up,
and hold you up in the moonlight, you cling to me
hard,
as if clinging could save us. I think
you think
I will never die, I think I exude
to you the permanence of smoke or stars,
even as
my broken arms heal themselves around you.
2
I have heard you tell
the sun, don't go down, I have stood by
as you told the flower, don't grow old,
don't die. Little Maud,
I would blow the flame out of your silver cup,
I would suck the rot from your fingernail,
I would brush your sprouting hair of the dying light,
I would scrape the rust off your ivory bones,
I would help death escape through the little ribs of your body,
I would alchemize the ashes of your cradle back into wood,
I would let nothing of you go, ever,
until washerwomen
feel the clothes fall asleep in their hands,
and hens scratch their spell across hatchet blades,
and rats walk away from the cultures of the plague,
and iron twists weapons toward the true north,
and grease refuses to slide in the machinery of progress,
and men feel as free on earth as fleas on the bodies of men,
and lovers no longer whisper to the presence beside them in the
dark, O corpse-to-be ...
And yet perhaps this is the reason you cry,
this the nightmare you wake screaming from:
being forever
in the pre-trembling of a house that falls.
3
In a restaurant once, everyone
quietly eating, you clambered up
on my lap: to all
the mouthfuls rising toward
all the mouths, at the top of your voice
you cried
your one word, caca! caca! caca!
and each spoonful
stopped, a moment, in midair, in its withering
steam.
Yes,
you cling because
I, like you, only sooner
than you, will go down
the path of vanished alphabets,
the roadlessness
to the other side of the darkness,
your arms
like the shoes left behind,
like the adjectives in the halting speech
of old men,
which once could call up the lost nouns.
4
And you yourself,
some impossible Tuesday
in the year Two Thousand and Nine, will walk out
among the black stones
of the field, in the rain,
and the stones saying
over their one word, ci-gît, ci-gît, ci-gît,
and the raindrops
hitting you on the fontanel
over and over, and you standing there
unable to let them in.
5
If one day it happens
you find yourself with someone you love
in a café at one end
of the Pont Mirabeau, at the zinc bar
where white wine stands in upward opening glasses,
and if you commit then, as we did, the error
of thinking,
one day all this will only be memory,
learn,
as you stand
at this end of the bridge which arcs,
from love, you think, into enduring love,
learn to reach deeper
into the sorrows
to come – to touch
the almost imaginary bones
under the face, to hear under the laughter
the wind crying across the black stones. Kiss
the mouth
which tells you, here,
here is the world. This mouth. This laughter. These temple bones.
The still undanced cadence of vanishing.
6
In the light the moon
sends back, I can see in your eyes
the hand that waved once
in my father's eyes, a tiny kite
wobbling far up in the twilight of his last look:
and the angel
of all mortal things lets go the string.
7
Back you go, into your crib.
The last blackbird lights up his gold wings: farewell.
Your eyes close inside your head,
in sleep. Already
in your dreams the hours begin to sing.
Little sleep's-head sprouting hair in the moonlight,
when I come back
we will go out together,
we will walk out together among
the ten thousand things,
each scratched too late with such knowledge, the wages
of dying is love.
from The Book of Nightmares by Galway Kinnell
Copyright © by Galway Kinnell
This is Art at its best.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Your approval is what matters
It feels awfully weird not to have anything to do for consecutive days. I was just thinking of what I have to do tomorrow, and the next thought that came into my mind is, 'Nothing.' Yeah..I have nothing to do now except work on the admin stuff for Korea.
Dorm is almost settled, Visa is done, airfare will soon be booked, insurance is selected...course-matching is the problematic one for now. Oh,and we need to learn Korean. Fast.
I realized I will miss talking to my mum. so I told her to learn how to use the webcam.
And I really like sitting on the kitchen counter top and taking some time to reflect.
Somehow, I have experienced that it is only when you focus on others that your own difficulties start to fade away.
I want Your light in this life.
I was a little confused, but I'm alright now. I think I understand. I still prefer the simple, uncomplicated way of living:)
Dorm is almost settled, Visa is done, airfare will soon be booked, insurance is selected...course-matching is the problematic one for now. Oh,and we need to learn Korean. Fast.
I realized I will miss talking to my mum. so I told her to learn how to use the webcam.
And I really like sitting on the kitchen counter top and taking some time to reflect.
Somehow, I have experienced that it is only when you focus on others that your own difficulties start to fade away.
I want Your light in this life.
I was a little confused, but I'm alright now. I think I understand. I still prefer the simple, uncomplicated way of living:)
Monday, January 4, 2010
only one way to go - UP!
2010 is off to a shaky start, but! This year will be an up year, as we are living on the victorious side!:D
A lot has happened since 2009, and it has only been four days! My mum went for her first cataract removal operation today, so I had to rush down to the hospital to pick her up just now. It was quite different going to the hospital to pick up my mum...felt like I was in a scene of a medical drama where the family member of a patient rushes into the ward. anyway, visa application today was smooth!:) lunch was good too, and I like how at ease we were with each other:)
anyway, so I am currently in relaxed mood cause the holidays are still here, but then I am thrown into a whirlwind of things I need to do. activity is good I guess...
It was an interesting msn conversation, and it reminded me of what the girls shared during the sleepover on the 30th. very honest conversations. I like:)
and fb is really something new for me. I really have no idea how to work at it, and I am just going to ignore it unless something crops up. I can't believe I made an attempt to upload the pics from Turkey and I am actually quite surprised to see the new photos and comments...but! not my thing...oh well. I'll try!
a bit tired already. will go look for more courses to match for PNU.
I think I know myself quite well to some extent...
...the feelings really do fade with time and absence.
A lot has happened since 2009, and it has only been four days! My mum went for her first cataract removal operation today, so I had to rush down to the hospital to pick her up just now. It was quite different going to the hospital to pick up my mum...felt like I was in a scene of a medical drama where the family member of a patient rushes into the ward. anyway, visa application today was smooth!:) lunch was good too, and I like how at ease we were with each other:)
anyway, so I am currently in relaxed mood cause the holidays are still here, but then I am thrown into a whirlwind of things I need to do. activity is good I guess...
It was an interesting msn conversation, and it reminded me of what the girls shared during the sleepover on the 30th. very honest conversations. I like:)
and fb is really something new for me. I really have no idea how to work at it, and I am just going to ignore it unless something crops up. I can't believe I made an attempt to upload the pics from Turkey and I am actually quite surprised to see the new photos and comments...but! not my thing...oh well. I'll try!
a bit tired already. will go look for more courses to match for PNU.
I think I know myself quite well to some extent...
...the feelings really do fade with time and absence.