You are real.

Saturday afternoons evoke the weirdest feelings in me.

I guess it's the long train rides and the moving from place to place. Sometimes I wish that I can just apparate right to church, and at times the weird side in me just says go on and take the train. Well, it's not as if I have much of a choice really.

The blistering heat of the afternoon leaves me perspiring like nuts after just a short walk and bus ride to the station. afterwhich I have to practice my balancing act in the train to city hall and watch like a disinterested hawk for an empty seat. which usually comes at either toa payoh or orchard. and the moment I manage to get a seat, the rest of the train ride will be spent clamping my eyes shut and trying to shut the world out. it's time to put to use my selective hearing skills. Today I had music, so it was relatively easy, the sounds of conversations and of the train whooshing through the tunnel were easily tuned out.

and as I got off the train at bedok and proceeded to walk to the bus interchange, the wave of feelings hit me proper. It was like feelings of dislocation. Displacement. As I took the escalator down, I glanced past the line of people right next to me who were on the upward escalator. and after I walked a few more meters, I took the going up escalator and watched again at the row of people who were right next to me going down in the opposite direction. what lives do they lead? who are they? Where am I? What on earth am I doing and where am I going?

I just felt like someone walking around in a maze, clueless about what was going on and just intent on moving from point A to point B. Just keep moving. Keep going. Block out the noise, ignore the calls, just keeping moving forward. Step by step.

The usual sights passed by in a blur and I just couldn't grap hold of anything solid, everything seemed to just whizz by infront of me. It seemed surreal, like it was all a dream. Nothing felt real.

Right. I feel like that almost every saturday and on some other random days too.

But at some point of the saturdays, a part of me felt real.

that's when I stand in front of the white cross right in the centre of our church's Hallelujah Quadrant.

As I stood there in the middle of the place, I looked up at the cross and I fixed my eyes on it. Given some other day when I'm not late, I would have stood there and talked to Him. I would have smiled and smiled. But today, I could only glance briefly at the cross and smile on my way to the upper room. Nonetheless, I felt something real.

I know that life will continue to have all these weird feelings, I know I will still feel a little neither here nor there at times, but I also know that as long as I come back to the cross, all these feelings that don't matter will all fade away.

For I know I have found what is real. I have found what will last. And I have found what is best.But most of all, I have found what is right.

Thank You Lord for the cross. Thank You that You hold us all together in Your hands. Thank You for being real in our lives, and for being here no matter what happens. Thank You for loving us even when we fail You. Thank You for picking us up when we fall. Thank You for answering at times when we feel inadequate to call. Thank You for understanding even when we don't. Thank You for Your many out-pourings of joy and love even when all we can give to You is our pain,tears and hurt. Thank You for filling the gaps others have left behind. Thank You for holding our hands and encouraging us when we fear and feel discouraged. Thank You Lord most of all for calling us and saving us.

Jesus, we give You all our thanks.