musing

"One sometimes find what one is not looking for."

As I sat at my table with a spoon in my hand and a tub of chocolate ice-cream in my other hand, I thought of a few things. I need to cut my nails. Well, that thought was the most pressing at that moment. And after that, my thoughts got deeper, emotionally and philosphically.

Being a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic, I realised that maybe,my thoughts are just a facade, my notions idealised ones, but not necessarily the one which I will choose in the end. If you were given a choice between a life with a good husband, beautiful kids, and a house you've always dreamt about and another life with a man you love but on a road that seems to take you nowhere, which would you choose?

I would choose to be with the man I love.

Who would in turn become my husband, and we'll have the life I've always dreamt of.

Which, obviously is not one of the two options given. That is why I realised that the reason why I have such idealised notions of love is because I wanted to live in denial of the realities of life and love. The reason why I have such high expectations is because I fear looking truthfully at what life has to offer.I have such dreams precisely because in the back of my mind I think and acknowledge that they may just be what they are. Dreams.

Note the past tense. Wanted.

Not to say I won't be having my romantic notions, but I guess, I'm starting to know that life has got plenty to offer me, it just may not be what I've dreamt of. And anyway, what I dream of, may not be what I want in actual fact. Dreams may be what we think we want, but not exactly what we want. It can however, be a sort of benchmark that guides us and reminds us not to fall too short in life, and something to hold on to even if they may not turn out to be real.One can always hope. And hope is what keep us going.

And sometimes, just sometimes, one may find what one is not looking for.

Still, sometimes, love has reasons reason itself does not know.

The reason why I typed all these is because I chose option a. Which just threw all my romantic notions out of the window, and I needed to know why.